I was catching up on my Marie Claire magazines when I came across an article in the March 2013 issue. The article is “The Seven Types of FWBs”. It basically outlines the different types of friend with benefits relationships that exist. Now I’m a bit perplexed because this causal relationship has evolved into many things.
This list originated from a study conducted by Arizona State University and Northern Illinois University. It was published in the Journal of Sex Research. Check it out list!
1. True Friends (what we call TF)
Academic Definition: An important friend considered a safe sexual partner.
Translation: You actually want to hang out with him with your clothes on.
My translation: This is the original friends with benefits!
2. Just Sex (JS)
Academic Definition: Other than sexual encounters, little interaction occurs.
Translation: You only talk to him after 11 p.m.
My translation: Everyone knows this is a booty call! #cuttybuddy
3. Network Opportunism (NO)
Academic Definition: Friends whose shared network allows them to interact, typically while consuming alcohol.
Translation: He’s your end-of-the-party default option.
My translation: One Night Stand!
4. Successful Transition (ST)
Academic Definition: Intentionally and effectively using an FWB to initiate a romantic relationship.
Translation: Through your wit and charm, you’ve turned it into a real thing.
My translation: Don’t hate the player; just hate the game!
5. Unintentional Transition (UT)
Academic Definition: An FWB leads to a romantic relationship, although it was not the original intent.
Translation: Whoops! He’s your accidental boyfriend.
My translation: A Situationship gone Right!
6. Failed Transition (FT)
Academic Definition: One or both partners attempted, unsuccessfully, to generate a romantic transition.
Translation: You’re heartbroken (or he is)… And now you’re having heartbreak sex.
My translation: #EPIC Fail! or A Situationship gone Wrong!
7. Transition Out (TO)
Academic Definition: Sexual interactions between partners from a terminated romantic relationship.
Translation: Your halfhearted breakup sex lasts for months.
My translation: Too damn complicated! Stop while you’re ahead!
I guess causal relationships have become a little more complex. It seems like it would be little less complicated to be in an exclusive relationship. Then again causal relationships originated because people want no strings attached relationships. Whatever the case may be……Know your relationship status!
What’s you current relationship status? Which FWB are you? Is there another type of FWB that should be added?
I have been on this journey since 2011 and it hasn’t always been easy. I have grown to embrace what my natural hair is and will become. I have had some good and bad hair days, and I am learning something new all the time. I have probably watched a million YouTube videos and tried tons of hair products. I have to admit I am a bit of a product junkie….recovering product junkie ;-) I have staple products that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
I’m not the best stylist when it comes to natural hair. I can’t flat twist to save my life. Most of the time I make shit up as I go. The two styles that I have conquered are the puff and twist n curl. I’m still working on my wash-n-go, even though it has been my summer style. That brings me to the point of this post!
Sometimes by accident you stumble on a great hairstyle! It’s like every thing in the natural hair universe align and is on one accord. That’s when magic happens! Every naturalista knows what I am talking about! The magic of a fantastic hair day!
The other day I had a day old wash-n-go and I was in the mirror trying to revive it. I put a little dollop of Oyin Handmade Hair Dew on my hair and rubbed it in. I whipped my hair back and forth like Willow Smith. I also added just a little Vitamin E Oil by Ampro and started to fluff. I fluffed and fluffed, and fluffed…….That’s when Fluff Magic happened!
I achieved Big Hair from an old tired wash-n-go! I was tickled pink at the results. Will the magic happen again? Will I get this exact hairstyle again? Who knows (Kanye shrug) but for now I am embracing the magic!
There are several videos and blog posts on how to fluff natural hair. The challenge is to fluff and not make the hair frizz. Here’s a hair tutorial by br0nzeqt on getting big hair by fluffing.
click on the link
Do you have techniques on how to get big hair? What are your fluffing techniques? What products do you use? When was your last natural hair magical moment?
We are knee-deep in the summer and I am willing to bet that every natural hair diva has developed some type of hair routine or protective style. Beating the heat while looking fabulous is the name to the game!
I have rocked a wash-n-go since May. I’m loving every minute of it. It’s just so damn convenient. I have experimented with a several products, but there are two products that have won me over. Of course there are challenges with being naturally fab. One challenge is getting 2, 3, and 4 day hair. :-) The biggest, yet unavoidable challenge is those pesky single strand knots aka fairy knots!
After experimenting with a few products, I tried a sample of U R Curly Loose Curl Enhancer that I received at a meetup. This stuff is the bomb! It is alcohol-free, rich with Glycerin and Soy Protein and enhanced with Provitamin B5 and Echinacea, which are great for moisture. It doesn’t leave my hair hard, crunchy, and stringy. It doesn’t dry my hair out or leave a sticky residue. My hair is soft and curly,not to mention it helps with frizz. The fragrance is very light! I’m not sure how the U R Curly Tight Curl Enhancer works but this is a winner for me. Well at least for my summer routine. I have to admit I was skeptical at first, because my hair likes creamy products more so than products with a gel like consistency. The biggest task was finding it locally. I tried Wal-Mart, Walgreen’s, Sally’s, and Ulta. No Luck at ALL!! I searched online only to find that it was on back order. Needless to say I found it at a Wal-Mart when I was in the D.C. area. The price was $8.99. You better believe I racked up! Several sites have it and the price ranges from $8.99-$9.99. Not too bad for 8.5 oz.
The other product I use for my wash-n-go is Ouidad Curl Quencher Hydrafusion Intense Curl Cream. I LOVE THIS STUFF! I have only used it for my wash-n-gos. It leaves my hair moisturized, frizz-free, defined, soft, and shiny all day. It’s a light-weight cream but it packs a mighty punch. I get beautiful ringlets with is stuff. I don’t use it daily because it’s $26 for 5 oz. I use it on special occasions or when I am feeling extra fly. I found this product at Ulta.
I have developed two wash-n-go routines for the summer. One routine is quick and easy, while the other takes a little more time.
Quick and Easy
I co-wash my hair daily while in the shower. I may wash my hair with shampoo once a week and sometimes once every two weeks. I detangle and let the conditioner marinate while I handle my shower business. I rinse and wrap my hair in a t-shirt. No Towels!! I apply leave-in and styler. I style my hair in the desired style using my hands only. If my hair is still drippy, I diffuse lightly.
- Conditioner: Suave Almond and Shea Butter or Tresemme` Naturals Nourishing Moisture
- Leave-in: As I Am Leave-in Conditioner
- Styler: U R Curly Loose Curl Enhancer
- Refresher: 4 Naturals Freshen Up Curl Refresher
A Little More Time and Effort
After a fresh shampoo or co-wash ritual, while my hair is wet I put my hair in about 6-8 twists. This is a modified version of Curly Nikki’s routine. It’s what she calls the Pippi! I wish I could only put my hair in two twists. It’s too thick and a little shorter than Curly Nikki. I wrap my hair in a t-shirt for 10-15 minutes. This help to speed up drying but don’t leave the twists in too long. I then pull apart each twist adding leave-in and styler to each section. I style and voila`! The results are awesome! I have a more stretched look. The curls have clumps and are popping everywhere!
- Shampoo: Giovanni Tea Tree Triple Threat
- Conditioner: Suave Almond and Shea Butter or Tresemme` Naturals Nourishing Moisture
- Leave-in: Karen’s Body Beautiful Sweet Ambrosia
- Styler: Ouidad Curl Quencher Hydrafusion Intense Curl Cream
I have not figured out how to get more days out of this style without wetting it every day. The satin bonnet smashes it beyond repair and I can’t pineapple. I leave the house with wet to damp hair but it’s not a problem at the moment……..It dries in no time because it’s so damn hot!!
What is your summer routine? What new products have you tried? Do you have any tips or suggestions on how to maintain a wash-n-go style?
The beginning stages of dating or developing a relationship can be tough at times. When you meet a guy that you like, you try to figure out of he’s into. Men can be hard to read at times. One thing’s for certain is that it isn’t hard to figure out if he’s NOT into you. After talking to various guys, reading articles, and life experiences, I have compiled a list of signs that will be helpful in deciphering whether he’s into.
1. He calls you on a regular or when he says he will call.
Guys generally don’t enjoy talking on the phone. If he calls you often chances are he enjoys talking to you.
2. He’s attentive and thoughtful.
When he likes you, he will make an effort to show you. He will plan fun things for you to do together. He will pull out all the stops to impress you. If he sends a quick sweet text when he’s working or super busy that’s a sign that he’s thinking of you.
3. He looks at you a lot.
You know when you catch him looking at you and he quickly looks away. Sometimes he will gaze at you for a long period of time. We are sometimes guilty of this as women also. You’ve seen it before.
4. He listens to you.
When a guy is interested in what you have to say and genuinely seeks your opinion, he’s into you. He will make you part of the conversation and he will definitely not make it all about him.
5. He wants you to meet other people his life.
When a guy is into you, he will talk about you to his friends and he will want you to meet them . He will want you to be a part of his inner circle. He may invite you to work functions. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t meet the parents right away. That will eventually come. There’s no timetable for that. Each guy is different in that retrospect.
6. He remembers the corny and quirky things you say or do.
If he smiles or chuckle at your silly shenanigans, he thinks you’re funny and cute.
7. He wants to spend every moment with you.
When a guy likes you, he will want to spend time with you. He will make the effort to take you on a date and do things that you like to do. He will definitely court you and not treat you as a booty call.
8. He shares or shows you things that he hasn’t shared with anyone else.
Men usually don’t open up about things like women. If he shares or expresses things consider that a plus.
9. He touches you.
When I say this I don’t mean sexually. When you are together and he touches your hand, arm, leg, or knee is a good sign he likes you.
10. He will watch a chick flick or a lifetime movie with you.
If it doesn’t bother him or he doesn’t complain about watching the latest chick flick, that’s a definitely a sign he wants to be near you. Let’s face it! He could be watching a game or boxing.
This list can go on and on. However, these are just a few signs to look for when trying to figure out if a man is into you.
What other signs should be added to the list?
I decided to try henna after reading and hearing about its wonderful benefits for natural hair. I tried to read everything I could find about it online. Let me tell it is an overwhelming abundance of information about henna. There were many different types of henna and many recipes for mixing henna. I decided I would try Curly Nikki’s recipe. She has a very detailed tutorial on how to henna on her site. Click here henna tutorial
I follow her instructions step by step. I had newspaper all over the bathroom. I only left it on for 4 hours because I was anxious to see the results. The results were amazing! My hair was soft and shiny. The color wasn’t as auburn as I would have liked it to be. It was probably a result of not leaving it on for the full amount of time. What I can say is that it colored my gray strands beautifully!
I tried henna again 4 weeks later and again the results were awesome! I left it in for 12 hours this time. I did what Curly Nikki suggested and used two plastic caps and a satin bonnet and got some sleep. The next morning I rinsed, conditioned, and styled. I believe in time I will get the auburn color that I am seeking. My plan is to henna every 4 weeks if time allows. I used Jamila Henna BAQ and I am hooked. I found it on Amazon.
It looks like henna is a winner for me! Stay tuned :-)
Have you tried henna? Do you have any stories or tips to share? Do tell!
The National Natural Hair Meet Up Day is an annual one-day event. Its purpose is to allow the opportunity for women across the country to meet in their own communities while networking, sharing and meeting (virtually) other women across the country participating in meet ups on the same day. Natural hair meet ups are events designed to share information, techniques, inspiration and products to aid individuals in their natural hair journey.
Natural beauties from all over the United States meet up in their area to mix and mingle with other natural beauties. It’s an awesome affair for women who are natural, transitioning to natural, or deciding to go natural.
Miss Stephanie with Gulf Coast Naturals did her thing when she organized a Natural Hair Meet Up event for the Gulf Coast Curlies. The event was a success! Natural Divas showed up and showed out with their voluptuous curls. The giveaways were out of sight. This was definitely an event to remember.
I was just thinking it’s Back to School Time. The summer is about to end and football season will begin soon. This made me think about the fun times of spring and summer. The time when the ladies show off those freshly shaved legs and cute pedicures. Shorts, sundresses, rompers are the trend of the season. Not to mention, rockin the cute shades and sexy swimsuits. It’s enough to send the men into a feeding frenzy! Oh and the men are showing off those rock hard abs and beautiful arms. Their hair is always freshly cut and some love to rock those fedoras. The confidence and the swag they have is overwhelmingly sexy. Let the battle of the sexes begin! Everyone is on the prowl for a………
So ladies if your man started acting up after Valentine’s Day, blame it on the warm temperatures and blooming flowers. He probably didn’t want to be tied down in a relationship. Why bring sand to the beach? And fellas if your woman has lost a few extra pounds and asked for space, more than likely she wanted to add a few numbers to her little black book. It’s something about that spring fever and summer madness that makes everyone crazy. Well if you are still with your man or woman then hopefully you added a little sizzle to relationship because it is definitely hot out there. I do mean literally and figuratively :-)
Let’s talk about Spring Fling! What is a Spring Fling anyway? Well according to the urban dictionary it is a casual relationship between two persons who are attracted to one another. This can involve puppy love, sex, or perhaps just “hooking up”. It can also refer to a fling that takes place during the named season. (Btw………..Spring is when most animals mate!) With that being said, if you meet a guy or girl during a Spring Festival, Spring Break or, Spring Getaway it may not be your soul mate.It just may be someone to kick it with during the three most beautiful months of the year. If it does evolve into a wonderful romance……….then you are one of the lucky ones. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with having a Spring Fling. Sometimes this happens after a long romance that went sour or when you have been totally stressed with school, work, or both. There are quite a few ladies that aren’t comfortable with the idea of a Spring Fling for various reasons. I say go ahead girl and do your thing………………. You only live once! Besides men have done this shit for years. You may have been a Spring Fling and didn’t know it. For example, have you ever started a romance and it was going well and you guys were having fun and then within 3-6 months it’s over. I hate to break it to you but you were a Spring Fling.
Now what about Summer Lovin? It’s a sexual adventure free of hassles, commitments or drama, timed for the summer only. It’s not just limited to sex. Summer Lovin is something light and fun-filled with nothing to worry about at the end of the season. It’s usually not exclusive to one person and ends in a mutual agreement of friendship. This takes me back to Sandy and Danny in the movie Grease. Oh don’t act like you don’t remember the movie! They had a summer fling that evolved into a complicated relationship by the fall and winter, partly because of the infamous “representative” Danny put on during the summer. Now granted they did get it worked out and they fell in love and drove off into the sunset. It doesn’t happen that way all the time but you can still enjoy Summer Lovin and not be attached or exclusive. Ladies, I know that we want our flings and lovin to end this way but let’s stop kidding ourselves. Life isn’t a fairy tale and we are not Cinderella. Can we have a happy ending? Hell Yes!! But we can also live in the moment, have fun, and just maybe create our own happy ending. Think about it like this…….you are looking good and it’s summer time. You have three carefree months of not being stuck in a serious relationship but all the perks of one with just a little Spring Fling and Summer Lovin!
So go ahead girlfriend and just Enjoy Yourself like Michael Jackson says. Live your life off the wall. You’ll be happy you did and you will definitely have great memories. If the men can do it, so can we!
Have you ever had a spring fling or summer romance? How did it end? Did you enjoy it? Would you do it again?
Stay tuned for the Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle follow-up!
- The Rules of a Spring Fling (surishruti.wordpress.com)
There comes a time when you must step back and re-examine the situation you are in. We tend to stay in a relationship simply because of the years that have been invested in it or we tend to hold on to the thought of a certain relationship because of the years that were invested. Hoping for the possibility of a reunion. We become complacent because it is familiar or it doesn’t require growth or change. We don’t want to open ourselves to the possibility of something new.
For the one that says oh we’ve been together for years. Our families are involved. The question for you is at what point do you stop and think about what’s keeping you from progressing to the next level. Is it distance, time, fear,or complacency? Is it work, school, or money? All those things can be changed but you must be willing. You say I’m in love with him/her. He’s my rock. She’s a good woman. I don’t know what the future holds for us. What’s the problem? There’s a need to re-examine the relationship. You’re not getting any younger. That’s real talk!
For the one that’s holding on to the possibility of reconnecting with that one great love. The question is what is keeping you apart from each other. Why aren’t you making it happen? Why are you holding on to the idea and not making it a reality? Is it fear, stubbornness, procrastination? You say he/she will always be my one true love. What the problem? Again I say there’s a need to re-examine the relationship. Time does not wait for any one.
Perhaps during the re-examination you will find that the only thing you are holding on to are all of those years. That really and truly, the love has faded and there is no turning back. Maybe you have outgrown each other. There could very well be someone new staring you in the face but you’re too blinded by the old love. Then again maybe you will discover that you can’t be without that person and do something to reclaim the lost love or rekindle the flame. You will never know until you take time to re-examine the relationship. Communication is the key. It would be such a pity to let love slip right through your fingers. It would also be such a shame to let a wonderful opportunity pass you by.
That’s my truth about dating!
Have you ever been afraid to end a relationship because of the number of years you’ve been together? Have you ever become complacent in a relationship?
Ladies it’s spring and I know we are ready to rock the latest open toed shoe. You’ve seen this before in email chains, if not check it out. Before you go struttin your stuff, stand up and take the pledge.
The Open Toed Shoe Pledge
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl’s if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.
I will promise if I wear flip-flops that I will make sure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least
once per season at least once a month and have a real pedicure (they range from $15-$30 and worth EVERY penny).
I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear… nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
Please share with your sista friends!
It’s been a while been a while since I’ve posted about some of my random truths or falsities about dating :-) I’ve been bogged down in dissertation shiggity. Chapter 2 (the Lit Review) is no joke. The deadlines have been mad crazy and the professor/editor is a beast with the red pen. I get comments like……..Truthseeker, your writing is great but double-check your APA and cite everything. Hello….What the hell do you think I have been doing?!?!? The entire paper is full of citations because I can’t share my own ideas at this point. All I do is research, read, write, and cite. Ok I digress……….. The light is slowly peeping through the tunnel.
This is what my life is like at the moment.
I will be back soon with some random ish about dating but for now I want to share a site with you. This guy over at The Black Dating Blog, recently published a post titled “Top 100
Family, Marriage, and Relationship Blogs for African-Americans”. The Truth About Dating is on the list :-) I applaud him for pulling together a list of bloggers with different perspectives. Please go check it out: http://www.bestblackdatingsites.org/top-100-family-marriage-and-relationship-blogs-for-african-americans/ Thank you Joseph Atkins!
Don’t forget to send your burning dating questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Answers will be posted on Fridays. Also if you have a Truth About Dating Story you want to share, please do. Contact me at email@example.com.