Monthly Archives: July 2011

Out of Your League

According to the phrase or shall I say idiom  “out of your league”  means:

1. An expression used when a girl/guy is just too hot for you and you have no chance with her/him.

2. When you are in a situation where you have no chance of succeeding.

3. When someone is out of the class of people you are expected to date.

This phrase led me back to a chapter of a book I read a few years ago by Zane called Shame on it All. In that particular chapter the character Collette, who was a temp at a law firm met one of the firm’s major clients. His name was Lloyd. He was the owner of  an online dating site. Their flirting led them to dinner and a rump in the back of his limousine. After that, they saw each other again and again but it always led to the bedroom. It’s seems like thing were moving along perfectly in Collette’s mind. She really wanted Lloyd to be her man and she thought he wanted her to be his woman. Then things took a turn for the worse when she thought he was going to escort her to his calendar party for his business. He told her he had no intentions of taking her to the party. Her response was that she assumed she was going since they were dating. That’s when he shared his feelings. The conversation went something like this:

Lloyd: Collette, we are f***ing, not dating. There is a difference.

Collette: Excuse me?

Lloyd: You’re a  lot of fun, but as far as a real relationship, I need someone who is more umm……..

Collette: More what?

Lloyd: I knew I shouldn’t have done this……………Whenever I get involved with slutty women,they expect me to give them the world.

Collette: Are you trying to call me a slut?

Lloyd: I’m telling you straight up. Look at how we met.

Collette: We met at my job.

Lloyd:  Yes, your job. A job is not the same thing as a career and I need a woman with a career.

Collette: F*** you! I’m leaving!

Lloyd: That’s probably for the best. No hard feelings. You don’t have a regular job and very little education. I’m a rising star and I need a woman who mirrors me in every way.

Collette: So what the hell were you doing with me in the first place?

Lloyd: Like I said before……..I was f***ing you. Pure and simple.

Needless to say, Collette left his house in tears. Was she wrong to want a well established, educated guy like Lloyd? Is it not possible for two different class of people to mesh? Basically, in a very cold and heartless way Lloyd told Collette, she was not in his league. She was however; good enough to sleep with. I know Lloyd is a jerk but the truth of the matter is that there are many people who think just like Lloyd. If they are of a certain status, they only want to have serious relationships with people who are on their level.. I’m not saying it’s right but that’s the way it is. I thought this was interesting because most of the time it’s the female that makes some men feel they are way out of their league. When you think it about, men usually try to pursue women they feel is within their reach. This is because of the fear of rejection. Back to Collette and Lloyd ………….Even though this story is fictional, it is so relevent and thought-provoking because I am almost certain someone has experienced this in real life.

Should Lloyd have been upfront about their relationship? Do you think Lloyd should have been a little nicer, perhaps more respectful?  Was Collette wrong for assuming they were dating? Do you think Collette was good enough for Lloyd to date? Have you ever tried to date someone out of your league? Do you think someone being “in or out” of your league is a factor in dating?


Works Cited

Zane. “Truth Hurts.” Shame on it all. New York: Pocket Books, 2005. 318-320. Print.

The Unspoken Truth

Facebook, Datebook, Fakebook, Hatebook, Sexbook, Snoopbook

Founded in February 2004, Facebook is a social utility that helps people communicate more efficiently with their family, friends, and coworkers. Anyone can sign up and interact with the people they know in a trusted environment. It has become a huge social networking phenomenon. I venture to say the 1 out of 5 people have a Facebook page.  Now this is all good if we could just use it for what it was intended to be. There are always a few rotten apples that make it hard for others. Why can’t we use Facebook for what it was created for?

Have you or someone you know ever experienced drama of any kind on Facebook? Have you seen people air their dirty laundry or their love life on Facebook? Have you or someone you know ever been busted on Facebook?

I bet some of you reacted like I did when you first saw it………… You probably said something like “Really”,  “Seriously”, ” I can’t believe this sh*!” As I am writing this I am thinking back to the Facebook drama stories I have heard and I can’t help but laugh. It’s really funny!!! Facebook has become “The Unspoken Truth”. People reveal their truths on Facebook.  Whether it’s good, bad, or ugly, they reveal it. Now I am sure there are plenty of people putting on their “representative” or just plain deceitful. I guess it is safe to say Facebook is the Social Soap Opera. Maybe that explains why All My Children is being cut. Why watch daytime TV when you have Facebook?

1st Facebook Drama Story: Last summer me and other mutual friends saw a couple display their dramatic break up on their walls. The guy evidently flirted with someone else at a party and the girlfriend was there. She was furious because it was someone who has been after her boyfriend for a while. I guess he fell for the bait. The following days after the party, the girlfriend posted ” It’s not good to let a 20 come between you and your 80.”  That statement started a chain of events and it got pretty ugly. The bystanders enjoyed every moment because it was drama.  Someone finally said, ” Take that shit to the phone or inbox!” My thoughts exactly! This particular couple was pretty young and they were back together within 2 weeks posting I Love You on each other’s wall. Ain’t that a bitch!!!

2nd Facebook Drama Story: This is a very common story. One of my friends was dating a guy and she really liked him. They always had fun together. One of their favorite things to do  was to drink wine and eat sushi. He was totally accepting of her children. The only problem was getting him to commit. It was similar to Carrie and Big on Sex and the City. She couldn’t understand why because they always spent time together. A friend of hers stumbled on his page and noticed that he was recently married. Everyone was posting congratulations and complimenting the pictures. My friend couldn’t believe it. She found her answer…….. The Unspoken Truth.

         Now let’s talk about the Facebook lovers! No I am not talking about the people who enjoy Facebook. I’m talking about the people who date on Facebook. The question is why do it? It is too public; to social to pull off. Everyone will be in your business. You will be obsessed with checking each other’s page. The minute someone posts something crazy, the shit hits the fan. Don’t use Facebook as a dating site. Join an online dating service (now that’s another discussion altogether). Don’t get me wrong, if you happen to meet your match on Facebook, then all the luck to you. Just keep it outside of Facebook! Your chances for dating success are better. Stop letting the world know your intimate truths. You do have a right to privacy.

 Finding out your significant other or spouse is cheating on Facebook is a new trend! Why hire a private investigator? Just go log into Facebook and there is your “unspoken truth”. I have seen countless of couples break up because of Facebook. I remember one in particular. A friend had pictures of her and her man posted. A mutual friend of another mutual friend had pictures of her and the same guy posted. I know what you are thinking, it could have been from a previous relationship. Well it turns out he was seeing both of the women at the same time. Imagine their humiliation.

You can find a lot of liars on FB! I didn’t want to leave their asses out of the story. Some people have different faces. They say one thing and their profiles say another. For example, a few years ago a man and a woman met and hung out for a little while. They talked for hours on the phone. They went on several dates. It was fun for while and then they decided to just be friends. Two years later, they found each other on FB.  Well after some time had passed, the man posted “Enjoying time with my kids.” Now the woman was shocked because he said he didn’t have kids when they were dating. Then she saw pictures of the kids. She politely inboxed him and said, “I thought you didn’t have children.” He replied, ” I have 4  kids. I thought I told you.” More proof that Facebook is the “unspoken truth”

I actually saw this posted last week and it was kind of funny.  I’m sure it wasn’t so funny to the person that it happened to. Someone posted “Have you ever ignored someone’s text messages but update your status on FB. Then you finally talk to the person and say I’m sorry I didn’t respond, I was asleep.” The person then replies, “Who was updating your status on FB?” I laughed my ass off!!! Hey once again…………….the unspoken truth!

It’s your choice to do what you want to do on Facebook but remember there is always a price to pay for putting your private life on display. Someone is always watching, looking, snooping.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Am I giving up FB anytime soon? Hell no……………it’s very entertaining! Even better it’s  “The Unspoken Truth”!

What are your thoughts ?


The Representative

We are all familiar with “The Representative” when it comes to dating.  What is the representative in regards to dating? Well it’s when the person is on their best behavior during the early stages of dating. They mask who they are. They conform or transform to the person you want them to be, or the person they want you to think they are. I think we all use the representative when it comes to dating. It is understandable that you  don’t want to show all of your baggage during the early stages of dating, but then you must also make sure that your representative represents you and not someone you can ‘t live up to.

I know someone who met a guy and he was the total package. The guy had already told her what he was looking for, what he was interested in, and what he liked. She presented her representative based on what he told her. She is also a good catch but she really wasn’t interested in politics, sports, and art history. She wasn’t a woman who wanted to be in various social clubs and she didn’t like jazz and classical music. Nonetheless, she made him think she was. Now he thinks, wow finally a woman who share the same interests. Her reasoning is that he’s a great guy, with no children, and well-established. She didn’t want the opportunity to pass her by even though the guy is a total bore to her. How long can she keep up this facade? Is she willing to change herself completely for this guy? Will this be a happy ending?  Maybe just maybe………….

Now what about the person who uses the representative for deceptive purposes. For example, There’s this guy that is a serious flirt and he loves women and the attention women give him.  The problem is he is married. He scopes out the women and move in for the kill.  He’s very clever and he pays attention to everything the woman says. He asks the right questions. This all so that he becomes the representative the women wants. He carries on this charade for as long as he can. He manages to get women to fall in love with him and then the Mr. Wonderful act disappears. The women start to notice his stories aren’t adding up. They also notice, he doesn’t hang out with them as much. When he does hang out with them, it only for sex. He never reveals he is a married man.  If things get too complicated with the women, he dumps them. One woman wised up before he could dump her. She put the pieces of the puzzle together and figured out he was married. She confronted him and he admitted he was married.  He only admitted it because she had proof. Now basically, he was a pathological liar. He left women questioning themselves and trying to figure out who he was.

I’m definitely not sending the message that you shouldn’t use your representative in the beginning stages of dating. Besides, who wants to know your life story on the first date. That will be shared as time go on. The mask must come off eventually. The stories I shared are just examples of how the using the representative can go wrong. Normally when people use the representative is when the guard is up during the early stages of dating. Remember make sure your representative closely resembles who you really are. Don’t  try to be something you are not. The pretending will eventually become difficult to pull of.  Every one has flaws; don’t be afraid to show them, because if someone is really into you they will accept you flaws and all.

Do you think people should use their “representative” in the beginning stages of dating? Do you think people should just let it all out in the beginning?


10 Things Men and Women Lie About in Relationships

Admit it! We all have lied at some point and time in our lives. It’s the nature of the beast! People lie for many reasons and that’s a fact that won’t change anytime soon. Most people create trouble for themselves when they lie to their partner, whether it is a spouse or significant other. Do you know what men and women lie about in their relationship? Well after a little research, life experiences, and discussion with friends, I have compiled a list of 10 things men and women lie about in their relationship.

  1. Age, weight, and height
  2. Sexual-History-number of partners, unsafe sex practices, etc.
  3. Bad Habits-smoking, drug use, or alcohol consumption
  4. Financial Situation-debt, income, or spending habits
  5. How they feel about certain things-partners family and friends, partner’s career, love and emotions
  6. Enjoyment of sex-how great or not great it is
  7. Past relationships
  8. Attraction to others/Flirting
  9. Spending time with other people-coworkers, friends, or ex-partners
  10. Infidelity

Now there you have it! I bet you or someone you know has experienced either some or all the items on this list. I would love to hear from you. What are your thoughts? Which one do you think should be at the top of the list? What are the top 5 in your opinion? Should there be more items on the list?


Too Good to Be True

When a man loves, he loves……………..but when love hurts him, it’s hard for him to love again.

There was this guy who found the love of his life. His love was close to perfection. She was intelligent, beautiful, independent, loving, strong, nurturing, compassionate. She was everything he ever wanted in a woman. When he first laid eyes on her, he knew he had to have her. He nervously approached her, hoping she wouldn’t reject him. Well, it was his lucky day because she gave him her number. The conversation was great, instant chemistry. He couldn’t wait to see her again, so he asked on a date. They went to Wasabi, a sushi house and went dancing at a local hot spot.  That was the first date of many.

The guy and his new love went on to become exclusive. He was feeling her and she was feeling him. They fell madly in love and was the envy of many people. This guy would often think to himself “I’m so lucky to have a love like this!” He couldn’t believe that he found the girl of his dreams. He was so happy!

They arrived at the 2 year mark. The guy and his love decided to keep separate living quarters but they had access to one another’s place. They didn’t want to live together before being engaged. The guy knew in his heart he would not keep her waiting for a ring. It was only a matter of time before she would be his bride-to-be! Is this love affair too good to be true?

One Friday night, after working late, the guy decided to visit the love of his life. Nothing was better than looking into her eyes after a long day. He pulled up to her apartment and didn’t see any light on but her car was there. He thought maybe she had turned in for the night. He decided he would go join her. He went to the door and unlocked it. He kicked off his shoes, pulled off his shirt and tie. He was ready to get comfortable with his love. He got to the bedroom and opened the door…….WTF!!!! He could not believe his eyes! The love of his life was straddling some guy. They were too busy to notice him standing there. He walked away quietly and went into the living room. He replayed the images in his mind. He’s contemplating whether to leave or stay. His mind is racing and his feet are pacing. Finally, he decided to leave but it was too late.

His love and the guy entered the room only to find him standing there. His love was shocked and the guy was confused. His love saw the hurt and anger in his eyes. She couldn’t lie her way out of this, so all she could say was baby, I’m sorry. He looked at her with disgust and said “F*** You……… weren’t sorry a minute ago!” He looked at the other guy and said, “She’s all yours now, I’m done!” He left her apartment with his heart shattered to pieces. He could not believe the love of his life would hurt him so badly. He asked himself, “Was she too good to be true?”

The love of his life left him with pain and the memory of her unfaithfulness never again to love and trust another. Now to him love doesn’t exist….she was just too good to be true.

Have you ever had your heart broken? Can a man get love again after heart break?


A Deadly Lie

Some lies can be deadly! One would hope that a lie would not come to such a horrible thing but it happens. This story is not one of encounters from my chronicles; however it is a true story. It made the local news and aired on Snapped in 2010. I wanted to share it because it definitely resonates with the essential theme of this blog.  The sad truth is a beautiful person is gone to soon because of a lie so deadly.

 Shannon Crawley found herself  in a love triangle that went horribly wrong. It all started with a lie! Jermeir Stroud decided he would date two women at the same time. Neither of the women knew about each other. His longtime girlfriend Denita Smith was off to graduate school while Jemeir decided to date Shannon. They dated for about a year before Jemeir broke things off. Jemeir had recently proposed to Denita and of course he could not continue a relationship with Shannon. Now a lovestruck Shannon world is turned upside down. When she realized he was engaged to Denita, his girlfriend, she was devastated. Her devastation turned deadly because she SNAPPED!!!! She killed Denita Smith in a jealous rage.

Crawley convicted in killing, gets life – Durham County – Click on this link to view the full story.

Here is the sad truth…………Jemeir set this in motion the day he decided to lie and pursue a relationship with Shannon. Now I am sure Jemeir didn’t think this would happen after having a relationship with two women at the same.  Jemeir’s lie turned deadly and left many people hurt, angry, and confused. I’m sure his world hasn’t been the same since and it doesn’t help that his unspoken truth has now been publicized for the world to see. I can’t imagine what his life must be like now since his lie became deadly.

Shannon Crawley is not totally innocent in the story. It was very selfish of her to take someone’s life. She is not the first woman this has happened to and definitely won’t be the last. I’m sure she is thinking about that everyday now that she is in prison for life. She did her share of lying and scheming in her defense during the trial. It’s such a sad tragedy since her children will have to grow up without her.

I wonder what Denita must have thought the day her killer confronted her. She had no clue that her fiance‘ had been in another relationship prior to their engagement. She was very happy because she had so many things to look forward too and more sadly because she loved her man. Now the family and friends of Denita Smith are left to mourn her untimely death…………a senseless death. WHY??? A Deadly Lie

May her memory live on for those who loved her. RIP Denita



Secrets Revealed

Some secrets should not be secrets because of the pain they may cause. Since the beginning of time families have had secrets that seem to creep out of the closet even though every effort has been made to keep them tucked away. For example,  25 plus years ago a young couple had a baby out-of-wedlock. They were 19 at the time and wasn’t quite ready for marriage. The relationship didn’t survive but a baby girl was born. The young mother had moved on and tried to provide a good life for her new baby. The young father tried to adjust to the role of being a father. He had an active role in his daughter’s life until she was 5. He stopped coming around as much. By the time the little girl was 7, she didn’t see her dad anymore. Well the little girl found out that he had gotten married and started a family. She learned that she had two sisters. The little girl often wondered why didn’t he want to see her anymore. Her question was never answered, so she started to draw her on conclusions. Maybe just maybe his wife didn’t want him to have a relationship with his first-born. The little girl grew up and went to college only to find out that one of her sisters had been in her circle of college friends. That same sister also went to school with the girl’s cousin. Hmmm a little too close for comfort!!!! I’m sure the dad didn’t expect that to happen. Now it’s years later in the age of technology and social networking, it’s easy to find someone. That’s exactly what has happened to make a long story short! The little girl now an adult has found both sisters on Facebook. She is faced with the dilemma on whether to reach out to them or not. They have no idea that they have a big sister. The decision isn’t easy because it will definitely cause hurt and confusion. She is longing to reach out to them as well as reconnect with her father. She is willing to forgive him for abandoning her.

Should the girl reach out to her sisters and reconnect with her father? Should this secret be revealed? What are your thoughts?




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