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Monthly Archives: September 2011

Your Truth About DatingStory 9-28-11

Hey Truthseeker,

This is not really a truth about a liar story but I still wanted to share. This is actually a good story. I read your post “Shades of Love” and I must say it was a very good post and very relevant. I am currently dating a hispanic guy.We have been dating for almost a year now. This is my first time stepping out of my comfort zone and I must say it is not bad all. I was skeptical at first for many reasons but I really enjoy being with my guy. He is a very good guys and treats me very well.Of course we have culture differences but I embrace it. Both of our families are comfortable with it. We do get stares from time to time from random people. I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone of just dating black men. Don’t get me wrong I still have love for black men. Truthseeker thank you for sharing that post with the world. It gave me courage to share my story.

Annoymous Black Woman in Texas

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Dear Anonymous Black Woman in Texas,

Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I am so glad you had the courage to try something new. I am also glad it is working out. I think other women who are considering dating beyond the color will find this helpful no matter what race they are. It would be great if you kept all us in truthseeker land posted on your new adventure. I really appreciate you taking interest in blog. Good Luck! And until next time…………..Live, Love, Laugh

Truthseeker411

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Shades of Love

Recently a friend of mine posted in our Great Debaters Group on Facebook…………Would you date outside your race? Why or Why not? Have you ever dated outside your race? During the time she posted I had just read an article in the September issue of Essence Magazine about the same topic. I thought what a great topic to debate on. Meanwhile, I read a lot of the comments that were posted, which were very interesting. A lot of women responded and said yes they would but they still love the brothas. Only a few said they would not. The reasons where endless but I did notice a common thread. The concern about the other races and the loyalty to the black race. Hmmmm!!!

This made me go back and reflect on the article in Essence Magazine, Dating Beyond the Color Line. We all know that 42% of black women in the U.S. are not married. That number doubles the number of single white women. We also know the reasons linked to that percentage. It’s a topic that is continuously being discussed. **Sigh**  Well I guess in a sense I am going to continue the discussion but I want to take a different approach. I don’t want to talk negatively about black women.I don’t want to talk about black men dating white women. I don’t want to talk about the amount of black men that are gay, in prison, or dead. It’s redundant! However; I do want to discuss Ralph Richard Banks‘s controversial new book, Is Marriage for White People? that urges Black women to consider crossing  the color line for practical reasons. I haven’t read the book but he was featured in the article in Essence Magazine.

He suggests black women should open up to dating other races including Caucasian, Latino, Middle Eastern, Indian, and Asian. Contrary to popular belief, many of these races find black women extremely attractive and would love to date us.  We as black women remain hesitant because of the concern about the race and of course loyalty. As a black woman, I want to encourage us to consider moving out of our comfort zone and date beyond the color line. I know that there are pros and cons but that is true for most things. Many sistas have already moved beyond and found long-lasting relationships with men of other races. Doing so doesn’t make them disloyal. It just means they have explored other options.

 The article also featured four interracial couples that detailed the joys of interracial dating. Two of the couple are married, one is engaged, and the other is romantically involved. Each couple shared that they were truly happy and that of course they have obstacles; but the happiness overshadows the obstacles. This is just more proof that it can work. With the high percentage of us not being married, dating beyond the color line is becoming more prevalent today. Besides God uniquely created us all. We are one race—-the human race. There are many different shades of love, don’t limit yourself to one shade.

Link to Essence Magazine Article  http://www.essence.com/2011/08/09/real-talk-are-white-men-the-answer/#ixzz1Z1QHGN00

Now it’s time to speak your mind. Have your ever dated outside of your race? Would you consider dating beyond the color line? Why or why not?

Truthseeker411

Deal or No Deal?

Today’s post is from a conversation I had with a male acquaintance. I just had to share. I would like to hear from the men and women. We were discussing dating and relationships. We were also discussing his requirements for a woman if she wants to date him. I must say they are quite interesting……………

The male acquaintance said he has watched and observed over the years they way men have treated women. He feels that because of all the heartache women have gone through,they will more likely fulfill all of his requirements. He says is he is a pretty good man and he will treat a woman right. He won’t cheat or abuse her. He will take her places, support her, and be the guy she needs and wants. He said she can have all that BUT she must:

1. Keep her hair long. She must never cut it (including pubic hair).

2. Walk around the house naked in his presence at all times. (whether he’s at her house or his)

3.  Never refuse to have sex with him no matter how often he wants it.

4. Engage in any sexual activity that he chooses.

He said the list is not negotiable; failure to fulfill the list will result in a break up. I laughed so hard because I thought it was a joke. I said, “You’re joking right?” He said, “No not at all.” He went on to say that he has had several girlfriends that fulfilled the list because they knew in their mind that he was a great guy. They were ok with engaging in things that weren’t comfortable for a little happiness.

Basically in a nutshell, if a woman wants a guy that doesn’t cheat then give up a little dignity and respect and you will be happy. I say to each his own. Is this a deal or no deal? Is he any better than the guy who cheats and abuses his woman? Should women settle for a relationship like this?  What are your thoughts? Speak your mind.

Truthseeker411

Your Truth About Dating9-12-11

Hey Truthseeker,

Here is my truth about a liar story. I am having a hot and steamy fling with my boss. It’s has been going on since the beginning of the year. It’s a lot of fun but I think people at work are starting to notice. I don’t want that to happen. Oh by the way, my boss isn’t married. He’s divorced but he isn’t looking for anything serious and neither am I. I am really enjoying him but I don’t want this to affect the work environment. I’m starting to get weird stares from people. What should I do?

R Scott from Atlanta

Dear R Scott from Atlanta,

I love that you are having fun but it is tough to pull off those workplace romances. They can become very tricky. I have always been told “Don’t play where you get your pay”.  The good news is that your boss isn’t married….Whew!!!! The bad news is if people at work have noticed, then let the gossip begin. I don’t recommend workplace romance but you are already involved. I would say try to be as discreet as possible, watch where you go in public, watch the flirting in the office, don’t tell anyone, and don’t let it affect your work. You and your boss have been hanging out since the beginning of the year, that’s a little long for a fling. Be careful!

Truthseeker411

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Dear Truthseeker411,

I just have to share my truth about a liar story. Last fall I met this guy in the military. I went to visit him in January and we had a wonderful time. It was supposed to be a weekend trip but I got snowed in. My flight was cancelled. Anyway, the guy all of sudden started acting different. It was very awkward. I couldn’t wait ti get home. I was finally able to go home. Well once I got home I found out that the guy was married. he had gotten married 2 weeks prior to me coming to visit. His wife is also in the military and she was stationed somewhere else. I was so pissed with him. I confronted him and of course he tried to lie but I knew better. He told me to never call him again and that’s when I had to get my sweet little revenge. A few weeks later I told him I was pregnant. He started freaking out and saying it’s not mine and I can’t deal with this right now. I kept this going for months and he didn’t want anything part of this. He was so afraid his wife was going to find out. I was laughing on the inside. I know it was mean but I had to get him back. LOL I just had to share this story.

Yours truly,

Scandalous in MS

Dear Scandalous in MS,

You are too much for words! I don’t think I could do something like that even though the guy is a jerk. I can’t believe he was cheating on his wife 2 weeks after the wedding. I’m sure you scared him pretty good. Hopefully he will think twice about cheating again. I don’t condone or promote revenge but this was pretty damn funny.

Shaking my damn head,

Truthseeker411

Do you have any advice or comments for R Scott and Scandalous?

The Help

Today’s post doesn’t have anything to do with dating, love, or marriage. I thought I would do something a little different.

Yesterday I finally went to see the movie everyone is raving about………….The Help. I didn’t read the book, perhaps I will in the near future. I must say I did enjoy the movie. The movie has hit home with a lot of people. It touches on a very painful time for many African-Americans. I am not going to give a review/critique of the movie; however, I am going to share what I took from the movie.

 The Help really hit home for me being that the setting was in Jackson, MS and surrounding areas. It also hit home because my grandmother and great-grandmother were maids. They cooked and cleaned for white people back in the day. I mostly remember my great-grandmother being a maid for a white family. I can remember her as clear as day getting on and off that bus to make a living for her family. She did it with respect and pride. She wasn’t a college educated woman but she was quite intelligent and full of wisdom. She wrote beautiful poetry. She was never published but her church binded a copy of all of her poems. Seeing this movie made me reflect on the struggles that many families endured during the Civil Rights Era. It gave me a reminder that “to whom much is given….much is required”. My great-grandmother paved they way for me to be free and successful and I must never take that for granted. I have tried to honor her in a way that would make her proud. Another thing I took from the movie is that you should never let fear stand in the way of you pursuing your dreams. The character Skeeter wanted to be a writer and the story she was writing was sure to cause quite a stir with her family and friends.  She was somewhat frightened but that didn’t stop her. She pursued her dream. The character Abilene had a voice and wanted it to be heard but of course being a black woman and a maid in the south during that time, having a voice was unheard of. She swallowed her fears and let her voice be heard.

Essentially what I took from this movie is courage. Most of the characters in the movie with the exception of the antagonists had to find the courage within themselves. That’s my message today. Remember to be all you can be, never give up on your dreams, let your voice be heard, and most of all be courageous!

Truthseeker411

Rainy Day Reflections

New Study: Men Do Like to Cuddle

There is nothing better than sitting home on a rainy day and cuddling with that special someone. You just hang out on the couch or lie in bed and snuggle up against each other.

It has rained all day and I have been sitting and thinking about how romantic it would be to cuddle with a sweet, handsome, man. I know one man in particular that would appreciate my romantic antics. I’m sitting here listening to the raindrops against the window and I am thinking about the movie we could watch, the game we could play, the long hot bath we could enjoy together, and reminisce about the fun times.

Now I know what you are thinking………..Truthseeker is being really corny right now. Maybe I am but you will be surprised to know that men enjoy cuddling too. According to a recent study conducted by psychologists from Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, men have the need to cuddle also.
Read more:  http://www.essence.com/2011/07/07/study-men-need-to-cuddle-too/#ixzz1WwP3x1IM

Rainy Day Cuddling is a great way to add a little romance to a relationship. The positive talks and laughter alone is enough to reconnect or enhance a relationship. Another plus is that it doesn’t break the bank…………basically free. Best of all you may find that your man enjoys it just as much as you do! Rainy Day Cuddling is healthy for all couples, so what are you waiting for? Happy Cuddling!

When was the last time you cuddled with your boo? Did you enjoy it? Men, do you really enjoy cuddling as much as the women?

Truthseeker411

The Brush Off

Don’t you just hate when you get the brush off? I’m sure this has happened to almost everyone. Men say this happens to them a lot but I think a fair share of women have had this to happen to them. It really sucks especially if you feel that you and the person really hit it off. Check out this scenario:

Ok so you meet this man/woman and you hit it off great. The chemistry is there. You talk on the phone, text, email, and  instant message each other. You finally go out on a date and spend some quality time together. Both of you are enjoying each other and you can’t wait to see each other again. The following day there is no call or text like before, so you are wondering what is going on. It’s the next day and still no communication. Finally you send a text to see if everything is ok and you get a reply stating “I’ve been busy” or “It’s been really hectic lately”. Then you text back and forth for a brief second. After that no more communication. Now you’re wondering if you are getting the brush off or if the person is really busy.

More than likely you are getting the brush off. It is very rare that the person is extremely busy and can’t communicate. The truth of the matter is if the person is really interested in you they will make the time to communicate with you. It shouldn’t be a hassle to send a text, email, or call. That goes for men and women. Here are a few classic example lines to know you’re getting the brush off:

1. I’m really busy. (with work, school, family, etc.)

2. I’m really stressed now.

3. We have conflicting schedules.

4. I’m still trying to figure out what I want.

Even though it sucks, the key is to get the drift and move on. If the person isn’t doing their part to show they are interested, don’t continue to call, text, or email. You don’t want to be a bug-a-boo. I know it would be easier if the person would just tell the truth or say they are not interested at this time, but it’s just human nature to try to soften the blow.  By the same token, feelings are still hurt with the truth or a lie. Getting the Brush Off isn’t easy or fun.

Have you ever gotten the brush off? Should a person just say they are not interested or should they make excuses until you get the hint?

Truthseeker411

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