Today is a celebration of love! Hopeless romantics eagerly awaits this day with great anticipation. Children are excited about the cards and candy they will receive. Wives, girlfriends, and significant others are overjoyed by the fact that they will receive flowers, balloons, candy, diamonds, or jewelry. Some singles will dread this day and other singles will embrace this day. No matter what this day comes every year. I don’t have a special post or poetry to share but I do want to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Smooches!!!!

Truthseeker411

Have you or are you dating or married to someone who’s simply Dead Weight? If not, thank your lucky stars. I’ve been there, done that, and not interested in doing it again. No Way!  My experience with dating the “dead weight” was short-lived but a valuable lesson was learned. I’m so glad I had the foresight to walk away from it rather than stay and prolong the inevitable.

This isn’t the case for everyone for one reason or another. Case in point, Towanda Braxton from Braxton Family Values is married to Andre “The Dead Weight” Carter and they have two children together. They have been separated for  some now. On the show we see Andre with no job and no desire to get a job to support his family. He and Towanda don’t have a place of their own. They lived with Toni at one point and then at the beginning of the 2nd season of the show they were living with Trina and her family. Now Towanda has her own home and guess what? Andre is still there. They have moved from home to home and Andre still has no job. Now I know the economy is bad and the unemployment rates are rampant but there are other things that make Andre dead weight besides not having a job.

First, his desire to get a job is not there. You can tell that bamma doesn’t want to work. He seems perfectly content with smooching living off of Towanda’s family.  He wants to be a writer. That’s great! I’m not knocking that. Everyone should pursue their dream. The problem is he is not alone. He has a family to take care of. That means get a job that you may not want for the sake of taking care of your responsibility and continue to pursue your dream as well.  Secondly, the fact that he is quite comfortable with having his wife, kids, and himself living in another man’s house leaves a lot to be desired. Not only is he living there, he is walking around eating a bowl of cereal, like he’s the man. I hope he is watching to see how he looks. When Trina finally asked Towanda to move out (which I know was very hard), what does Andre do? Not a damn thing! Oh except follow Towanda. Which brings me to my next point. Towanda finally buys a house and smooching ass, dead weight Andre asks if he was going to move in. Her response was, “I thought you were going to move in with your grandmother.”  **crickets** He didn’t even attempt to get his own place. Then to top it off he tries to pressure her about their sex life or lack there of. He says a man has needs………….ummm and so does your family. How can he put pressure on her when he has not done anything that Towanda asked him to do in order to try to salvage the marriage? His biggest worry is her moving on with someone else. I say stop making excuses and MAN UP Andre!

I know Towanda has her reasons for not totally kicking his ass to the curb. For example she want to put up a united front  for the children. She doesn’t want a separation or divorce to impact the children negatively. She also keeps him around because she travels a lot. He’s a 24 hour babysitter. I understand that but how long is she willing to keep that front going. Children are very intuitive. Also, what message is Andre sending to his son? It’s ok to let other people take care of you and your family when you are an adult.

In a nutshell, Andre is dead weight. He lacks drive and ambition. He is a free loader that is obviously content with living off his wife and her family. I think Towanda could do better but it is ultimately her choice.  It would be nice to see him get his act together for the sake of his family.

I say to you Truthseeker fans, carrying dead weight can be exhausting. It can pull you down and impact your life in a negative way. Just say NO to dead weight!

Any thoughts?? Insight?? Do share!

Truthseeker411

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Ladies if you are trying to impress your new boo and volunteered to host a party for him and his friends have no fear. Wives if you are super busy but your husband wants you to prepare snacks for the fellas have no fear. If the party you were invited to is BYOD again I say have no fear. Try one of these recipes and you will definitely be glad you did. Oh and men you are not exempt. These recipes are for you too!

Taco Soup

2 cans of Stewed Tomatoes                                 2pks. of Taco Seasoning Mix

2 cans if Kidney Beans                                          2 cans of Whole Kernel Corn

2 lbs. of ground beef (cooked)                             Crock Pot

Mix all ingredients into crock pot. Cook on high for an 1 hour. Keep on low or warm. Serve with tortilla chips, cheese, sour cream, or jalapenos. This version has more of a soup consistency.

Taco Soup ( My Remix)   In my Phaedra voice “Everybody knows I like to remix recipes!”

2 cans of diced tomatoes (Ro-tel Tex- Mex)             2 pks. of Taco Seasoning Mix

2 cans of Chili Beans (with sauce)                              2 cans of Whole Kernel Corn (drain liquid)

2 lbs. of Ground Beef (cooked)                                    Crock Pot or Stove Top

1 jar of Salsa (optional)

Cook ground beef  with onion powder, garlic powder, chopped onions, and bell peppers. Drain Fat. Mix together all ingredients. If it’s too thick at 3/4 cup of water. Cook on high for 1 hour. If you choose to cook on stove, then cook for about 30 minutes. Keep on low or warm. Serve with tortillas chips, cheese, sour cream, or jalapenos. My version is a little thicker and has the consistency of a dip.

Ground turkey or pork can be substituted for the ground beef.

I found the recipe below in a magazine or newspaper, I can’t remember. I must say I have not tried it but I do plan to try it. I wanted to share it anyway. More than like I will find a way to remix it.

Ro-tel Squares

1 lb. mild pork sausage                     1 (8 oz.) pkg. cream cheese

1/2 lb. ground beef                            1 (10 oz.) can Ro-tel tomatoes

2 (8-count) pkgs. crescent rolls

Preheat oven to 350. Brown sausage and meat together. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Drain and set aside. Melt cream cheese and tomatoes together (stove top or microwave) for a couple of minutes. Combine cheese mixture with meat. Spray a 9-by-11 inch baking dish with cooking spray. Spread one can of the rolls in the bottom of the dish. Add meat and cheese mixture. Spread the second cn of rolls on top of mixture. Bake about 25 to 30 minutes, or until rolls are browned.

If you decide to try one of these recipes please come back and share your experience. If you have a recipe you would like to share for the Super Bowl Festivities, please contact me via email and I will be sure to post.  Have a wonderful and safe  Super Bowl Sunday!!

Truthseeker411

Do you have a circle of sister friends that you share the bond of sisterhood with? Do they embrace you, speak positive things in your life, have only your best interest at heart? A couple of weeks ago,  I was spending time with my sorority sisters and later I started reflecting on women,  friendship, and sisterhood. I started to think about how blessed I am to have true sister friends in my life. I have developed some friendships that will last a lifetime. I have friends that I have been friends with since grade school, high school, and college. I know I have a circle of sisters that will be there for me no matter what. They keep me grounded.

I started reflecting more when I was watching an episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I was watching how Ne Ne, Sheree’, and Kim are no longer friends. They can’t even be civil or cordial to each other. I was also looking at how the entire cast is rather catty and no one really has any loyalty. Now I know it is just a TV show and perhaps there is added fluff for ratings. I guess what I am really trying to say is that yes some  friendships may be broken beyond repair or maybe you won’t have a sister friend bond with all friends; but I think as women we should always stay positive. We need to stay away from the envy, strife, backstabbing, negativity, and being catty. Why do some of us feel the need to compete, undermine, and disrespect each other? We need to have love and respect for each other. We need to lift each other up and be happy when something good happens.

In an article from Essence magazine, First Lady Michelle Obama said it best. ” Women energize me. We kind of hold each other up.” She  says she refuels her spirit by connecting with a small group of girlfriends. With all of her duties as wife, mother, and first lady; she make time to have dinner or just enjoy a girl’s night out.  She continues to say that President Obama is terrific , he is her true partner and spending time with him is key. But it is also important that women find each other and that’s where the natural reenergizing happens.
Read more:  http://www.essence.com/2011/09/28/the-leading-lady-michelle-obama/#ixzz1knxjn4j0

I say to you ladies let’s embrace each other. There is strength in numbers. Find you a circle of sister friends. Also when we see each other in the work place, salon, gym, grocery store, mall or where ever, say something nice and don’t judge. There is nothing like a world full of beautiful women. God created a wonderful thing when he created us.

“Sisterhood is many things. It’s a warm smile on a cold and rainy day, a friendly hug, a cheerful hello… It’s all that a good and lasting friendship is, only better. It’s treasured. It’s sacred. It’s knowing that there will always be someone there for you. It’s dreams shared, and goals achieved. It’s counting on others and being counted on. It is real.”~Author Unknown

This is just my latest rant, ramble, or shall I say reflection.

 Happy Founder’s Day to My Beautiful Sisters of Delta Sigma Theta, Incorporated, January 13, 1913

Truthseeker411

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This morning I was listening to the Tom Joyner Morning Show while driving to work. Tom, Cybill, Jay were discussing Jennifer Hudson. They were talking her setting a wedding date to marry her fiance’ David Otunga aka “Punk” from the I Love New York Reality Show. You know the one……. the spinoff of another crazy ass show Flavor of Love.  I’m not sure if it is accurate or where their source came from but according to TJMS, Jennifer wants David to quit wrestling before they get married. He supposedly turned down a lucrative job offer at a prestigious law firm with a salary well into the six figure range. Jennifer wants him to pursue something real, even though wrestling is a six figure income for him. He says he enjoys wrestling and wants to make it his career. I guess he really likes showing of those big arms and chest. I’m not sure if he is any good at wrestling.

Is Jennifer right in feeling this way?  He does have his law degree. Why would he want to be the next Hulk Hogan? Of course saying my husband is an attorney rolls of the tongue better than my husband is a professional wrestler. However, he is the same guy that competed for the love of New York on that ridiculous reality show. Perhaps Mr. Otunga just wants to be famous like his future wife. I guess being a lawyer, does not bring him the same fame. Well Tom and Jay said Jennifer is a dream snatcher. She should support his decision to be a wrestler no matter how corny it is. Cybill says she understands where Jennifer is coming from and someone has to be the voice of reason. Now I know people could care less about their relationship, but issue at hand is relevant.

Some husbands, wives, significant others, friends, and family are not very supportive and tend to kill dreams whether intentional or not. They fill your head with negative thoughts. By the same token, they are the voice of reason when you are being foolish making a decision you will regret. Sometimes it’s hard to see if they have your best interest at heart. I say if it is something that you are passionate about, go for it whole-heartedly. Make your dream a reality by actively pursuing it and if the person truly loves you they will be supportive no matter what.

So Truthseeker fans, do you think Jennifer is a dream snatcher or is she the voice of reason? Are you a dream snatcher? Do you have a dream snatcher in your life?

Truthseeker411

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What’s the difference between friends with benefits and cut buddies?  According to the Urban Dictionary…….

Friends with Benefits- A safe relationship, that mimics a real partnership but is void or greatly lacking jealousy and other such emotions that come with a serious relationship. 2. A physically involved relationship, where both partners enjoy some comforts of sitting on the fence between serious relationship and simple friendship.

Cut Buddy- A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you want sex and nothing more. 2. A sex partner to whom you have no special attachment. A person you occasionally have sex with.

A friend and I recently had a discussion about friends with benefits and cut buddies. We were trying to decide if they were the same or different. This is what we came up with:

Friends with benefits do more that just have sex. They go to the movies, concerts, shows, etc. together. They talk on the phone at least once or twice a week. They have established a full-blown exclusive relationship is not what they want. They have a mutual respect for each other and on some level they care for each other. Basically they  enjoy the companionship without the commitment.

Cut Buddies are basically booty calls. They only hook up for sex. There is no hanging out whatsoever! There is no communication other than the occasional call or text for sex. Emotions are totally lacking and getting the itched scratched is the primary goal.

Basically what we came up with is very close to what the urban dictionary said. It is understandable how people would confuse the two. Now let’s talk about the pros and cons of FWB and CB.

   FWB can be quite comfortable, convenient, and fun, especially if both parties are not looking for a serious relationship. It really works for people who want companionship with no strings attached.  Being able to have dinner, go bowling, or hang out at a local night spot without  the pressure of trying to impress is a wonderful perk. The beauty of FWB is the friends aspect of it. There is a level of care and respect between the friends and sex is the icing on the cake. The thing to remember is that both parties MUST be on the same page and ultimately have the same wants and desires of a FWB.

The biggest drawback is catching feelings. When one person starts to get emotionally attached and wants more, the dynamics of the relationship change. This results in hurt feelings, heartbreak, and a ruined friendship. Another drawback is feelings of jealousy. Even though you are not committed to each other, you may develop feelings of jealousy when you see the other person with another one of his or hers friends with benefits.

There are no real benefits of a cut buddy.  The sole  purpose of a cut buddy is sex. It’s nothing more than a booty call, f*** buddy, or  sex buddy. A cut buddy usually does not want to do anything beyond the bedroom gymnastics.

The downside is the lack of emotion, communication, and friendship. On the other hand, emotions can get involved just like FWB. The more you sleep with someone the more attached you can become. It’s human nature.

Friends with benefits, cut buddies, sex buddies, booty calls, and one night stands are all forms of casual sex. Casual sex relationships have become very common for various reasons. Should you decide to get involved with a FWB or Cut Buddy relationship, be sure you clearly understand the pros and cons. Most definitely have an understanding of what the relationship is. You don’t want to be a Cut Buddy and think you are a friend with benefits. A Cut Buddy is the same as a booty call but it isn’t the same a  friend with benefits. I stumbled across the image below and just had to share.

 Before engaging in casual sex relationships, always remember to use protection. #Safe Sex

What are your thoughts about FWB vs Cut Buddies? Are they the same or different?

Truthseeker411

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One of My  Accomplishments

I accomplished many small things in 2011. I won’t name them all but one accomplishment does come to mind. By April 2011 I was 25 pounds lighter and loving it! Just in time to rock the latest spring fashions. Hopefully I can lose a few more pounds this year

The Funniest or Most Embarrassing Thing That Happened to Me

In the Spring of 2011, I had a blind date to a Spring Gala. After losing 25 pounds I was very excited about dressing up and being a princess for the night. Not to mention having a an escort. Let’s just say it was a #fail. My blind date arrived to escort me to the gala and I wanted to run for the hills. He didn’t look anything like his picture. He was not an attractive person at all. He closely resembled a camel. He had a very strange look. I don’t know what the hell he did to his pictures, but I couldn’t believe my eyes. He had on a tuxedo that just didn’t do anything for him and to top it all off he had a beanie looking hat on his head. The nice girl in me proceeded with the date but the mean girl in me wanted to tell him the date was off. We arrived to the gala. I slowly walked to the door because I just did not want to enter with Shrek. I just wanted that night to end quickly. I didn’t introduce him to anybody, wouldn’t dance with him, and barely held a conversation with him. I kept thinking how did I get myself in this dilemma.  Needless to say, I survived the gala but you better believe my friends did not let me live it down. As a gag gift for my birthday, they framed a picture of me and a camel’s face on a male’s body. The look on my face was priceless! The lesson learned from this experience is don’t let a blind date escort you to a major function.

The Most Shocking News I Received

Back in June, my ex I dated for six years shared some very big news with me.  My ex and I had this very long and intense relationship. I guess you can say he was my first love. Everyone expected us to get married, including him and me.  When you thought of Truthseeker, you instantly thought of Night Rider.  That’s just the way it was. We’ve been broken up for years and moved on with other people but there’s always this connection. Any who, we have become very good friends over the years. He shared with me that he was going to be a father. He was not happy about the news because he and the mommy to be are not exactly the happy couple. I’m listening to him and trying to come to grips with this announcement. I was totally shocked. I never would have predicted that. I was feeling some kind of way about his big news, but why? After all we have been broken up for nine years. Mr. Night Rider is still trying to come to terms with being a father. He always felt that I would be the mother of his child(ren). I guess in a way I did too.

The Most Surprising Thing I Did

The most surprising thing I did in 2011 was starting this blog. It’s still very surreal at times because I have never done anything like this. It’s kind of funny because I do enjoy writing. I have written poems, skits, and short stories but never have I wanted to share them. One of my friends actually suggested I start this blog because I would always joke about writing a book about dating experiences. Some friends tell have said me starting a blog isn’t a shocker to them but I disagree. However,I am glad I did start The Truth About Dating and I am grateful for my friend who suggested it. It has become a very fun and therapeutic hobby. I wish I could write a post everyday but the Ph.D program takes most of my time. I will continue to post when time allows. I have a few topics written in my notebook. Stay tuned!

Moving Ahead

Twenty-Twelve is here now and I am excited about what’s in store for me. I didn’t make any resolutions because I know I will not follow through. Instead I have set a few attainable goals. Goals I know I can reach. It’s going to be a good year! 2012 is the year of possibilities!

Alright Truthseeker Fans, share some of the things you experienced in 2011. Whether it was funny, horrible, outrageous, or just plain silly.

Truthseeker411

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Happy New Year Truthseeker Fans!!!!!

Since starting this blog in July 2011, I have definitely grown. I started under the name Truthseeker411 and later revealed my identity to family and friends. I changed the title and the layout of the blog.  It was definitely a slow but fun start. I am grateful for the support of friends, family, and other people who have taken the time to read my rants and ramblings. With that being said, here are the blog stats for 2011:

• The Truth About Dating was viewed 3800 times in 2011
• There were 30 blog posts.
• There were visitors from the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom.

Here are the Top 5 Posts of 2011…………

1. Can We Talk……Not Text? http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-5W
2. Shades of Love http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-4k
3. 10 Things Men and Women Lie About in Relationships http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-1g
4. A Deadly Lie http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-p
5. Jack Rabbits and Juice Boxes http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-2j

I say not bad for only 5 months of blogging but there is always room for improvement.  My vision for 2012 is to:

1. Increase my fan base
2. Have a few guest bloggers
3. Get more feedback or comments
4. Start Date Night Chronicles (Real dating experiences)
5. Have  over 100 posts by the end of 2012

With the help of my loyal Truthseeker Fans, the vision can  become a reality.  Once again thank you for taking the time read this blog. Much love to all of you!!! Smooches!!!

Please take a moment and vote for your favorite post of 2011.

Do you enjoy The Truth About Dating?

Thank you for voting! Please share any other comments you have in the comment section. Feedback is always welcome!

Truthseeker411

Click here to see the complete report.

http://truthseeker411.com/2011/annual-report/

Thank you so much for supporting this blog!

Love,

Truthseeker411

What do the lonely do at Christmas?

That’s the question that the group, The Emotions ask in their unforgettable holiday song. Have you truly listened to the lyrics. That song is depressing! Don’t get me wrong it’s a nice song and I look forward to blasting it along with other Christmas Classics every year. Listening to it over and over would drive me insane! Click here to listen to the song……… http://youtu.be/rOn1gyor4mk

So here is my question…………Who said you had to be lonely for Christmas?

Many people will spend Christmas alone whether single, divorced, married. There are many reasons why people will be alone for Christmas but it doesn’t have to be a sad or depressing time. There are many things you can do to occupy your time during the holidays. The key is creating your own joy. Here is a list of things that you can do to make your holiday one to remember:

1. Break the normal holiday tradition and create your own tradition.

2. Consider an exotic island getaway-Bahamas, Jamaica, or Cancun.

3. Volunteer for a good cause-Shelters could always use the extra help. It would really warm your heart to help others.

4. Surround yourself with others that may be alone for Christmas and have a dinner party or go out and do something fun.

5. Indulge yourself in the things you like to do. Whether it is a cooking, watching movies, reading books, or creating something.

Don’t let the fact that you are alone, stop you from having fun on Christmas. There are many things that you could do by yourself on Christmas, that maybe will not be as much fun when done with someone. You never know, you may just have one of the best Christmases this year.

P.S. Whatever you do don’t listen to that song over and over!

Share your thoughts or comments.

Truthseeker411