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Your Truth About Dating Story 5-13-12
It’s been a while since we have had a Your Truth About Dating Story. I received this email from N.L. in Chicago, a few weeks ago.
Comment: Hey truthseeker411,
I read your post FWB vs Cut buddy. It was very insightful. However, I have an issue. I am seeing this guy and we decided to label our relationship fwb, since we both are not ready to be in a relationship. We are both seeking companionship. The issue is he never calls, he sends occasional text messages. We never hang out in public like go grab a bite to eat or go to the movies. We are always at either my house or his. When we are together we laugh, talk, and have a lot of fun. It just isn’t sex. I get the feeling we are cut buddies but when I ask him, he says no we are more than a rumble in the hay. I expected us to do things together and talk on the phone occasionally. That’s what I signed up for as a fwb. When I read your post, you defined fwb how I expected it to be. My guy friend isn’t holding up his end.I would really like us to continue as fwb. I’m not sure how to make him understand how I feel without coming off as a nagger. FWB is supposed to be stress free. What should I do?
Sincerely, N.L. in Chicago
Click Here to read Friends with Benefits vs. Cut Buddies http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-6b
Dear N.L.
First of all I want to thank you for reading my blog. Secondly, I apologize for not responding promptly. I have been swamped with school work and it has been hard to keep up with my blog. Nonetheless, I am here now.
It’s sounds like you guys are on two different pages when it comes to how you define FWB. When you guys decided to be FWB, did you guys discuss at length exactly what you were looking for and your meaning of FWB? I ask this because people tend to have different definitions of FWB. There are several blog posts on the topic. My definition goes along with the Urban Dictionary. Also make sure you are not developing feeling sfor this guy. That’s one of the common reasons why FWB do not work. You’re right it is supposed to be stress free. You have to be comfortable and in agreement with the arrangement. That’s why it is important that both of you have an understanding of what the other wants. I say talk to him and tell him what you want. Then see of that is what he wants and go from there. The most important thing is to not settle for the arrangement if you are not happy with it. You have to be willing to walk away from it or it will continue to stress you out.
Alright Truthseeker fans…………what advice do you have for N.L.?
Truthseeker411
Like this:
Friends With Benefits vs Cut Buddies
What’s the difference between friends with benefits and cut buddies? According to the Urban Dictionary…….
Friends with Benefits- A safe relationship, that mimics a real partnership but is void or greatly lacking jealousy and other such emotions that come with a serious relationship. 2. A physically involved relationship, where both partners enjoy some comforts of sitting on the fence between serious relationship and simple friendship.
Cut Buddy- A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you want sex and nothing more. 2. A sex partner to whom you have no special attachment. A person you occasionally have sex with.
A friend and I recently had a discussion about friends with benefits and cut buddies. We were trying to decide if they were the same or different. This is what we came up with:
Friends with benefits do more that just have sex. They go to the movies, concerts, shows, etc. together. They talk on the phone at least once or twice a week. They have established a full-blown exclusive relationship is not what they want. They have a mutual respect for each other and on some level they care for each other. Basically they enjoy the companionship without the commitment.
Cut Buddies are basically booty calls. They only hook up for sex. There is no hanging out whatsoever! There is no communication other than the occasional call or text for sex. Emotions are totally lacking and getting the itched scratched is the primary goal.
Basically what we came up with is very close to what the urban dictionary said. It is understandable how people would confuse the two. Now let’s talk about the pros and cons of FWB and CB.
FWB can be quite comfortable, convenient, and fun, especially if both parties are not looking for a serious relationship. It really works for people who want companionship with no strings attached. Being able to have dinner, go bowling, or hang out at a local night spot without the pressure of trying to impress is a wonderful perk. The beauty of FWB is the friends aspect of it. There is a level of care and respect between the friends and sex is the icing on the cake. The thing to remember is that both parties MUST be on the same page and ultimately have the same wants and desires of a FWB.
The biggest drawback is catching feelings. When one person starts to get emotionally attached and wants more, the dynamics of the relationship change. This results in hurt feelings, heartbreak, and a ruined friendship. Another drawback is feelings of jealousy. Even though you are not committed to each other, you may develop feelings of jealousy when you see the other person with another one of his or hers friends with benefits.
There are no real benefits of a cut buddy. The sole purpose of a cut buddy is sex. It’s nothing more than a booty call, f*** buddy, or sex buddy. A cut buddy usually does not want to do anything beyond the bedroom gymnastics.
The downside is the lack of emotion, communication, and friendship. On the other hand, emotions can get involved just like FWB. The more you sleep with someone the more attached you can become. It’s human nature.
Friends with benefits, cut buddies, sex buddies, booty calls, and one night stands are all forms of casual sex. Casual sex relationships have become very common for various reasons. Should you decide to get involved with a FWB or Cut Buddy relationship, be sure you clearly understand the pros and cons. Most definitely have an understanding of what the relationship is. You don’t want to be a Cut Buddy and think you are a friend with benefits. A Cut Buddy is the same as a booty call but it isn’t the same a friend with benefits. I stumbled across the image below and just had to share.
Before engaging in casual sex relationships, always remember to use protection. #Safe Sex
What are your thoughts about FWB vs Cut Buddies? Are they the same or different?
Truthseeker411
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