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Is Getting Married Revolutionary These Days?
Hey Truthseeker Fans!
This post is a from Around The Way Curls @ http://www.acurlsbf.com by Antoinette and Shanti. I thought it was very interesting and thought-provoking; therefore, I’m sharing it with you. Without further ado………….Is getting married revolutionary these days?
My mother was on a tangent about how the world is going to hell in a hand bag when she first made me reconsider the purpose of marriage. Bereft of the many torn and single families that she has seen and experienced in her life she turned to me fired up and serious, ”Marriage is revolutionary these days. To choose to unite with someone and go against the grain of this structureless society is revolutionary.”
I am a mother but I am not a wife. That’s normal these days. It is damn near expected and almost entirely accepted. How many times does the scenario play that a mother takes that deep, sad breath as she looks at her full bellied, young, unwed daughter. How many “everything will be ok”s are spoken to daughters as mothers weigh heavy with the knowledge of the hardship of “the everything” that their naive daughters will endure to get to ” the ok”. Cycles repeat.
Couples stay together for years, undeniably in union yet still clinging to branches of uncertainty and denial. They share their money, love, families, children, homes and dreams with one another yet thoughts of ,”What if he isn’t the one?”, “I’m not ready to settle down?”, “We don’t need a piece of paper”, “We don’t believe in marriage”, “We aren’t financially ready” keep them individualized indefinitely. Yet, how many marriages do we know that the couples married and stayed together although faithfulness is a failure. Separate rooms and beds are the norm, submission and stubbornness are learned and slowly eat away at tenderness and compromise. Tension fills the once happy home. Children learn to be more mature than their angry parents. They become mediators and counselors. They become cynical, lost adults. Blended families become blessings. Step fathers become saviors. Step mother’s become best friends trusted and accepted. Love can be reborn if it doesn’t work out the first time. There are so many reasons why people are wary of marriage. There are so many arguments for it that are strong. There are so many arguments against it that are reasonable.
Regardless, I admire couples that walk down the aisle – young, old, naive, wise, heartbroken but hopeful, brave, scared, grateful, certain and ready. I imagine in a world where it seems so much easier and “modern” to go other routes that it requires some revolutionary sentiment to marry. Do or die. By any means necessary. But now a days is it really necessary? What do you think the purpose of marriage is in this day and age?
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Say NO to Dead Weight
Have you or are you dating or married to someone who’s simply Dead Weight? If not, thank your lucky stars. I’ve been there, done that, and not interested in doing it again. No Way! My experience with dating the “dead weight” was short-lived but a valuable lesson was learned. I’m so glad I had the foresight to walk away from it rather than stay and prolong the inevitable.
This isn’t the case for everyone for one reason or another. Case in point, Towanda Braxton from Braxton Family Values is married to Andre “The Dead Weight” Carter and they have two children together. They have been separated for some now. On the show we see Andre with no job and no desire to get a job to support his family. He and Towanda don’t have a place of their own. They lived with Toni at one point and then at the beginning of the 2nd season of the show they were living with Trina and her family. Now Towanda has her own home and guess what? Andre is still there. They have moved from home to home and Andre still has no job. Now I know the economy is bad and the unemployment rates are rampant but there are other things that make Andre dead weight besides not having a job.
First, his desire to get a job is not there. You can tell that bamma doesn’t want to work. He seems perfectly content with smooching living off of Towanda’s family. He wants to be a writer. That’s great! I’m not knocking that. Everyone should pursue their dream. The problem is he is not alone. He has a family to take care of. That means get a job that you may not want for the sake of taking care of your responsibility and continue to pursue your dream as well. Secondly, the fact that he is quite comfortable with having his wife, kids, and himself living in another man’s house leaves a lot to be desired. Not only is he living there, he is walking around eating a bowl of cereal, like he’s the man. I hope he is watching to see how he looks. When Trina finally asked Towanda to move out (which I know was very hard), what does Andre do? Not a damn thing! Oh except follow Towanda. Which brings me to my next point. Towanda finally buys a house and smooching ass, dead weight Andre asks if he was going to move in. Her response was, “I thought you were going to move in with your grandmother.” **crickets** He didn’t even attempt to get his own place. Then to top it off he tries to pressure her about their sex life or lack there of. He says a man has needs………….ummm and so does your family. How can he put pressure on her when he has not done anything that Towanda asked him to do in order to try to salvage the marriage? His biggest worry is her moving on with someone else. I say stop making excuses and MAN UP Andre!
I know Towanda has her reasons for not totally kicking his ass to the curb. For example she want to put up a united front for the children. She doesn’t want a separation or divorce to impact the children negatively. She also keeps him around because she travels a lot. He’s a 24 hour babysitter. I understand that but how long is she willing to keep that front going. Children are very intuitive. Also, what message is Andre sending to his son? It’s ok to let other people take care of you and your family when you are an adult.
In a nutshell, Andre is dead weight. He lacks drive and ambition. He is a free loader that is obviously content with living off his wife and her family. I think Towanda could do better but it is ultimately her choice. It would be nice to see him get his act together for the sake of his family.
I say to you Truthseeker fans, carrying dead weight can be exhausting. It can pull you down and impact your life in a negative way. Just say NO to dead weight!
Any thoughts?? Insight?? Do share!
Truthseeker411
Related articles
- How Many Ways the Braxtons Fail at Love (clutchmagonline.com)
- Towanda Braxton Dishes On Her Relationship & Sister Toni’s Health *EXCLUSIVE* (hellobeautiful.com)
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15 Years and Still Getting It
Who ever said sex stops after marriage should reconsider that statement or perhaps have a word with my friend Sasha. She has been married for 15 years and is still enjoying nights full of pleasure with her husband.
So I asked her did she really think that women stop having sex after marriage? Is it a myth or the truth?
Sasha can’t imagine not having sex with her husband. She said maybe for some women the myth is true but she can’t understand why. I told her a lot of women say because of their jobs, children, and maintaining a household it’s hard to make time for sex. They are too exhausted.Her reply, “I have all of those things, been married for 15 years, and my sex life is still thriving.” She said she looks forward to making love, having hot steamy sex, and totally being a super freak with her husband. Sex for her is a stress reliever. Once she gets a little nookie, she can conquer the world.
Another thing she said was that you have to keep it fresh. Don’t be afraid to try new things and be creative. She enjoys putting on a show for her husband and more importantly her husband enjoys the performance. She has a nice collection of lingerie, wigs, costumes, and stilettos.
She also said she takes full advantage when the children are not home. She moves her sexual escapades to various parts of the house. She said getting some good ass fantastic loving doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom. Her house is filled with places to do the horizontal polka. She likes being the aggressor from time to time………well most of the time. Being the initiator is a great turn-on for most men. It makes for a hellacious orgasmic night of passion, fireworks, or perhaps the neighbors knowing more than just your name 
This conversation took place a couple of weeks ago. It was myself, Sasha, and two other women. I was the only single woman and I really enjoyed hearing what they had to say about sex after marriage. Especially Sasha!!! By the end of the conversation, she started having flashbacks of nights of ecstasy with her hubbie. She told us she had to leave. She and her husband were going to be home alone and she had to get her freak on! Too be honest, I think the other ladies went home and took advantage of their husbands in a kinky sexy kind of way.
According to this article, it isn’t a myth that women stop having sex after marriage. www.momlogic.com/2008/09/sexless_marriage_survey.php One thing is for certain, there is always an outlier. Just look at Sasha. She has been married for 15 years and still getting it!
Her last words were………..if my husband cheats or has ever cheated, it’s not or wouldn’t be because he isn’t fulfilled sexually. She declares she brings her A game to the bedroom.
To all the married women……….Have you stopped having sex since being married? Are you still getting it in like Sasha? What are your thoughts?
To all the married men………..Are you in a sexless marriage or are you getting the good-good from your wife? Share your thoughts.
Single people you are more than welcome to chime in.
Truthseeker411
Related articles
- Diary of a Married Woman: Ep 1! (aprillaugh.wordpress.com)
- Married Women Hate Sex www.momlogic.com/2008/09/sexless_marriage_survey.php
- Married Women Hate Sex 2 www.momlogic.com/html_pages/married_woman/2.php
- Married Women Hate Sex 3 www.momlogic.com/html_pages/married_woman/3.php
- The Joys of Sneaking Sex www.momlogic.com/2008/08/the_joys_of_sneaking_sex.php
- The Reason for the Sexless Marriage (sincemydivorce.com)
- A Sexless Marriage (sincemydivorce.com)
- Fix Your Sexless Marriage….. (socyberty.com)
Does Size Really Matter?
This topic is pretty controversial and has been debated over and over. We all think about it from time to time. It’s enough to get the women excited and the men pissed. Can we reach a general consensus on this much debated topic? Think about it……….Women, we wait our whole lives for this moment and we want it to be special and memorable. We want to overflow with energy and excitement. We want our man to give it his all. For some of us, it’s a deal breaker if he doesn’t come through. So I ask the age-old question…..Does size really matter?
Every woman can’t wait until the day that special guy proposes. We often think about the setting, the outfit, the moment. Oh wait! Did you think I was talking about penis size? Ha! get your mind out of the gutter! 
We place a lot of emphasis on bling partly because of the superficial world we live in. Everybody had something to say about Beyoncé‘s 18 carat ring and Kim Kardashian‘s 2 million dollar ring.
I’ve had this conversation with girlfriends and it’s amazing how many different opinions we have on the topic. Some friends say yes size does matter to them because they really don’t want a small ring that you can barely see. On the flip side some say they don’t want a huge gaudy ring. I have some friends that say it doesn’t matter , it’s really what’s in his heart that matters. One friend said it doesn’t matter but she would feel some kind of way if her man gave her a tiny bite-size ring. Another friend said she would hope a man does his best to impress since he is trying to spend the rest of his life with his woman.
There are even some rules of thumb a man should consider when he buys an engagement ring. One in particular is that a man should spend at least 10% of his annual salary or several months of his monthly salary on the engagement ring. I don’t know who came up with that but many tend to follow that rule of thumb. Another rule of thumb is a man should do what he can financially. He shouldn’t go overboard if he can’t afford to.
I had to include the men in this discussion. I asked a couple of guys does size really matter. One guy said should the ring even matter at all. He said engagement rings are a bunch of commercial hype to get men to spend more money. It’s basically an attention getter for the women. During that time everyone oohs and ahhs over the ring. The other guy said it shouldn’t be about the size of the ring but it’s the thought that counts. He went on to say why go big or extravagant in the beginning. What would happen by the 10 or 25 year anniversary?
So what does Truthseeker411 think? Well in my opinion the size shouldn’t matter. The marriage should matter. Often people do get caught up in the hype of being engaged and planning the wedding, they don’t think about what happens after. Maybe that’s why there are so many divorces. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exciting to get that beautiful ring but we should not put unnecessary pressure on a man to buy a huge or very expensive ring. Think about him bringing that debt to the marriage. You might end of paying for your ring in the long run. I would also have to agree with what one of the guys said. If you start out extremely big, what do you have to build up to? It would be very nice to have a more beautiful ring for my 10, 15, or 25 year anniversary.
I have a story for you…………………
One of my very good friend’s has been married for close to ten years now. When her husband proposed, he didn’t give her the ring of her dreams. It was smaller than she preferred but she didn’t say no. Why? She knew that he was a good man, he would be a great provider, and most importantly she loved him. Since they have been married he has provided a very good life for them and their children. Knowing my friend, she would probably say ring size does matter because she would like her ring to be a little bigger. Even with that being said, she wouldn’t trade her life for anything. I truly think he is going to upgrade her ring and that will make it all worth it in the end.
This is a pretty hot topic and I am not sure a general consensus would ever be met. It makes for a good red-hot discussion between men and women. So let the discussion continue……….
Does the size of the ring really matter?
Truthseeker411
Related articles
- How Much Should Men Spend on Engagement Rings (thediamondringreview.com)
Shades of Love
Recently a friend of mine posted in our Great Debaters Group on Facebook…………Would you date outside your race? Why or Why not? Have you ever dated outside your race? During the time she posted I had just read an article in the September issue of Essence Magazine about the same topic. I thought what a great topic to debate on. Meanwhile, I read a lot of the comments that were posted, which were very interesting. A lot of women responded and said yes they would but they still love the brothas. Only a few said they would not. The reasons where endless but I did notice a common thread. The concern about the other races and the loyalty to the black race. Hmmmm!!!
This made me go back and reflect on the article in Essence Magazine, Dating Beyond the Color Line. We all know that 42% of black women in the U.S. are not married. That number doubles the number of single white women. We also know the reasons linked to that percentage. It’s a topic that is continuously being discussed. **Sigh** Well I guess in a sense I am going to continue the discussion but I want to take a different approach. I don’t want to talk negatively about black women.I don’t want to talk about black men dating white women. I don’t want to talk about the amount of black men that are gay, in prison, or dead. It’s redundant! However; I do want to discuss Ralph Richard Banks‘s controversial new book, Is Marriage for White People? that urges Black women to consider crossing the color line for practical reasons. I haven’t read the book but he was featured in the article in Essence Magazine.
He suggests black women should open up to dating other races including Caucasian, Latino, Middle Eastern, Indian, and Asian. Contrary to popular belief, many of these races find black women extremely attractive and would love to date us. We as black women remain hesitant because of the concern about the race and of course loyalty. As a black woman, I want to encourage us to consider moving out of our comfort zone and date beyond the color line. I know that there are pros and cons but that is true for most things. Many sistas have already moved beyond and found long-lasting relationships with men of other races. Doing so doesn’t make them disloyal. It just means they have explored other options.
The article also featured four interracial couples that detailed the joys of interracial dating. Two of the couple are married, one is engaged, and the other is romantically involved. Each couple shared that they were truly happy and that of course they have obstacles; but the happiness overshadows the obstacles. This is just more proof that it can work. With the high percentage of us not being married, dating beyond the color line is becoming more prevalent today. Besides God uniquely created us all. We are one race—-the human race. There are many different shades of love, don’t limit yourself to one shade.
Link to Essence Magazine Article http://www.essence.com/2011/08/09/real-talk-are-white-men-the-answer/#ixzz1Z1QHGN00
Now it’s time to speak your mind. Have your ever dated outside of your race? Would you consider dating beyond the color line? Why or why not?
Truthseeker411
Related articles
- Stanford law professor argues black women should cross race barrier for marriage partners (mercurynews.com)
- Love: Does it really matter what color it comes in? (jennicinparadise.com)
