Blog Archives
Is Getting Married Revolutionary These Days?
Hey Truthseeker Fans!
This post is a from Around The Way Curls @ http://www.acurlsbf.com by Antoinette and Shanti. I thought it was very interesting and thought-provoking; therefore, I’m sharing it with you. Without further ado………….Is getting married revolutionary these days?
My mother was on a tangent about how the world is going to hell in a hand bag when she first made me reconsider the purpose of marriage. Bereft of the many torn and single families that she has seen and experienced in her life she turned to me fired up and serious, ”Marriage is revolutionary these days. To choose to unite with someone and go against the grain of this structureless society is revolutionary.”
I am a mother but I am not a wife. That’s normal these days. It is damn near expected and almost entirely accepted. How many times does the scenario play that a mother takes that deep, sad breath as she looks at her full bellied, young, unwed daughter. How many “everything will be ok”s are spoken to daughters as mothers weigh heavy with the knowledge of the hardship of “the everything” that their naive daughters will endure to get to ” the ok”. Cycles repeat.
Couples stay together for years, undeniably in union yet still clinging to branches of uncertainty and denial. They share their money, love, families, children, homes and dreams with one another yet thoughts of ,”What if he isn’t the one?”, “I’m not ready to settle down?”, “We don’t need a piece of paper”, “We don’t believe in marriage”, “We aren’t financially ready” keep them individualized indefinitely. Yet, how many marriages do we know that the couples married and stayed together although faithfulness is a failure. Separate rooms and beds are the norm, submission and stubbornness are learned and slowly eat away at tenderness and compromise. Tension fills the once happy home. Children learn to be more mature than their angry parents. They become mediators and counselors. They become cynical, lost adults. Blended families become blessings. Step fathers become saviors. Step mother’s become best friends trusted and accepted. Love can be reborn if it doesn’t work out the first time. There are so many reasons why people are wary of marriage. There are so many arguments for it that are strong. There are so many arguments against it that are reasonable.
Regardless, I admire couples that walk down the aisle – young, old, naive, wise, heartbroken but hopeful, brave, scared, grateful, certain and ready. I imagine in a world where it seems so much easier and “modern” to go other routes that it requires some revolutionary sentiment to marry. Do or die. By any means necessary. But now a days is it really necessary? What do you think the purpose of marriage is in this day and age?
Like this:
Friends With Benefits vs Cut Buddies
What’s the difference between friends with benefits and cut buddies? According to the Urban Dictionary…….
Friends with Benefits- A safe relationship, that mimics a real partnership but is void or greatly lacking jealousy and other such emotions that come with a serious relationship. 2. A physically involved relationship, where both partners enjoy some comforts of sitting on the fence between serious relationship and simple friendship.
Cut Buddy- A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you want sex and nothing more. 2. A sex partner to whom you have no special attachment. A person you occasionally have sex with.
A friend and I recently had a discussion about friends with benefits and cut buddies. We were trying to decide if they were the same or different. This is what we came up with:
Friends with benefits do more that just have sex. They go to the movies, concerts, shows, etc. together. They talk on the phone at least once or twice a week. They have established a full-blown exclusive relationship is not what they want. They have a mutual respect for each other and on some level they care for each other. Basically they enjoy the companionship without the commitment.
Cut Buddies are basically booty calls. They only hook up for sex. There is no hanging out whatsoever! There is no communication other than the occasional call or text for sex. Emotions are totally lacking and getting the itched scratched is the primary goal.
Basically what we came up with is very close to what the urban dictionary said. It is understandable how people would confuse the two. Now let’s talk about the pros and cons of FWB and CB.
FWB can be quite comfortable, convenient, and fun, especially if both parties are not looking for a serious relationship. It really works for people who want companionship with no strings attached. Being able to have dinner, go bowling, or hang out at a local night spot without the pressure of trying to impress is a wonderful perk. The beauty of FWB is the friends aspect of it. There is a level of care and respect between the friends and sex is the icing on the cake. The thing to remember is that both parties MUST be on the same page and ultimately have the same wants and desires of a FWB.
The biggest drawback is catching feelings. When one person starts to get emotionally attached and wants more, the dynamics of the relationship change. This results in hurt feelings, heartbreak, and a ruined friendship. Another drawback is feelings of jealousy. Even though you are not committed to each other, you may develop feelings of jealousy when you see the other person with another one of his or hers friends with benefits.
There are no real benefits of a cut buddy. The sole purpose of a cut buddy is sex. It’s nothing more than a booty call, f*** buddy, or sex buddy. A cut buddy usually does not want to do anything beyond the bedroom gymnastics.
The downside is the lack of emotion, communication, and friendship. On the other hand, emotions can get involved just like FWB. The more you sleep with someone the more attached you can become. It’s human nature.
Friends with benefits, cut buddies, sex buddies, booty calls, and one night stands are all forms of casual sex. Casual sex relationships have become very common for various reasons. Should you decide to get involved with a FWB or Cut Buddy relationship, be sure you clearly understand the pros and cons. Most definitely have an understanding of what the relationship is. You don’t want to be a Cut Buddy and think you are a friend with benefits. A Cut Buddy is the same as a booty call but it isn’t the same a friend with benefits. I stumbled across the image below and just had to share.
Before engaging in casual sex relationships, always remember to use protection. #Safe Sex
What are your thoughts about FWB vs Cut Buddies? Are they the same or different?
Truthseeker411
Related articles
- FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS RELATION: could it be said aloud? (getawayzzz.wordpress.com)
- Holiday Hookup (A Guest Blog by Sandra Bunino) (violetwilliamserotica.wordpress.com)
- FWB’s. (sexinthevalley.wordpress.com)
Like this:
A Special Message to Truthseeker Fans
Thank you so much for supporting this blog!
Love,
Truthseeker411
Can We Talk…..Not text?
Him: I want to get to know you better……so tell me about yourself.
Her: I would love to tell you about me but not via text. Call me and let’s converse.
Texting-the act of typing and sending a brief electronic message 160 characters or less via wireless network to another person.
When I read that definition online, I started to think of how we have definitely gotten away from what texting should be. In the world of dating, people are attempting to get to know one another through texting. How is that possible? What ever happened to simple conversation via telephone?
When getting to know someone in the early stages of a relationship, verbal communication is a must. It is very impersonal to try to get to know someone via text message. There is no context, voice, tone, or expression. Not to mention sometimes things get misinterpreted in a text message, and then the conversation takes a wrong turn.
Lately, I have come across guys who want to communicate through texting. I also realized that I am not the only one. Friends and acquaintances are experiencing the same thing. I find it appalling. What would make them think holding a long conversation via text message is ok? At what point do you pick up the phone and call? How can you build a healthy relationship or friendship for that matter, if you never talk on the phone?
Well of course this has been discussed with friends, both male and female. The general consensus that was reached after careful debate is basically this……….. it’s unfathomable for people 30 and over to even consider dating someone via text message. If someone is interested in getting to know you, for the most part they will call. If they are texting you all the time, more than likely they are hiding something or they are simply not interested in you enough to put forth an effort. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy texting. I text daily but I have my limits. Texting is good to a certain degree. It’s ok to send random hello, thinking about you texts but conversations for the telephone are not appropriate for texting.
Texting is a secondary form of communication, thus it shouldn’t be used as the primary way to communicate when you are trying to date. Leave the text dating to the teenagers. Let’s be grown and sexy and stimulate each other’s mind with intellect, charm, bravado, and wisdom. Like the famous words of Jill Scott, “Find a spot for us to spark,conversation, verbal elation, stimulation………Share our situations, temptations, education, relaxations…… Elevations”. So…………..Can we talk?
If you agree or disagree with Truthseeker, let me hear from you. What are your thoughts about texting and dating? Can you truly get to know someone through texting? Has technology brought us to a place where talking on the phone is becoming extinct?
Truthseeker411
Related articles
- Talk or Text? (ronnlehmann.wordpress.com)
Your Truth About DatingStory 9-28-11
Hey Truthseeker,
This is not really a truth about a liar story but I still wanted to share. This is actually a good story. I read your post “Shades of Love” and I must say it was a very good post and very relevant. I am currently dating a hispanic guy.We have been dating for almost a year now. This is my first time stepping out of my comfort zone and I must say it is not bad all. I was skeptical at first for many reasons but I really enjoy being with my guy. He is a very good guys and treats me very well.Of course we have culture differences but I embrace it. Both of our families are comfortable with it. We do get stares from time to time from random people. I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone of just dating black men. Don’t get me wrong I still have love for black men. Truthseeker thank you for sharing that post with the world. It gave me courage to share my story.
Annoymous Black Woman in Texas
***************************************************************************************************
Dear Anonymous Black Woman in Texas,
Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I am so glad you had the courage to try something new. I am also glad it is working out. I think other women who are considering dating beyond the color will find this helpful no matter what race they are. It would be great if you kept all us in truthseeker land posted on your new adventure. I really appreciate you taking interest in blog. Good Luck! And until next time…………..Live, Love, Laugh
Truthseeker411
Related articles
- Shades of Love (truthseeker411.com)
Deal or No Deal?
Today’s post is from a conversation I had with a male acquaintance. I just had to share. I would like to hear from the men and women. We were discussing dating and relationships. We were also discussing his requirements for a woman if she wants to date him. I must say they are quite interesting……………
The male acquaintance said he has watched and observed over the years they way men have treated women. He feels that because of all the heartache women have gone through,they will more likely fulfill all of his requirements. He says is he is a pretty good man and he will treat a woman right. He won’t cheat or abuse her. He will take her places, support her, and be the guy she needs and wants. He said she can have all that BUT she must:
1. Keep her hair long. She must never cut it (including pubic hair).
2. Walk around the house naked in his presence at all times. (whether he’s at her house or his)
3. Never refuse to have sex with him no matter how often he wants it.
4. Engage in any sexual activity that he chooses.
He said the list is not negotiable; failure to fulfill the list will result in a break up. I laughed so hard because I thought it was a joke. I said, “You’re joking right?” He said, “No not at all.” He went on to say that he has had several girlfriends that fulfilled the list because they knew in their mind that he was a great guy. They were ok with engaging in things that weren’t comfortable for a little happiness.
Basically in a nutshell, if a woman wants a guy that doesn’t cheat then give up a little dignity and respect and you will be happy. I say to each his own. Is this a deal or no deal? Is he any better than the guy who cheats and abuses his woman? Should women settle for a relationship like this? What are your thoughts? Speak your mind.
Truthseeker411
Related articles
- Ask A Guy #002: Face Jizz, Cheating and Threesomes (twelve16.wordpress.com)
Your Truth About Dating9-12-11
Hey Truthseeker,
Here is my truth about a liar story. I am having a hot and steamy fling with my boss. It’s has been going on since the beginning of the year. It’s a lot of fun but I think people at work are starting to notice. I don’t want that to happen. Oh by the way, my boss isn’t married. He’s divorced but he isn’t looking for anything serious and neither am I. I am really enjoying him but I don’t want this to affect the work environment. I’m starting to get weird stares from people. What should I do?
R Scott from Atlanta
Dear R Scott from Atlanta,
I love that you are having fun but it is tough to pull off those workplace romances. They can become very tricky. I have always been told “Don’t play where you get your pay”. The good news is that your boss isn’t married….Whew!!!! The bad news is if people at work have noticed, then let the gossip begin. I don’t recommend workplace romance but you are already involved. I would say try to be as discreet as possible, watch where you go in public, watch the flirting in the office, don’t tell anyone, and don’t let it affect your work. You and your boss have been hanging out since the beginning of the year, that’s a little long for a fling. Be careful!
Truthseeker411
*****************************************************************************************************
Dear Truthseeker411,
I just have to share my truth about a liar story. Last fall I met this guy in the military. I went to visit him in January and we had a wonderful time. It was supposed to be a weekend trip but I got snowed in. My flight was cancelled. Anyway, the guy all of sudden started acting different. It was very awkward. I couldn’t wait ti get home. I was finally able to go home. Well once I got home I found out that the guy was married. he had gotten married 2 weeks prior to me coming to visit. His wife is also in the military and she was stationed somewhere else. I was so pissed with him. I confronted him and of course he tried to lie but I knew better. He told me to never call him again and that’s when I had to get my sweet little revenge. A few weeks later I told him I was pregnant. He started freaking out and saying it’s not mine and I can’t deal with this right now. I kept this going for months and he didn’t want anything part of this. He was so afraid his wife was going to find out. I was laughing on the inside. I know it was mean but I had to get him back. LOL I just had to share this story.
Yours truly,
Scandalous in MS
Dear Scandalous in MS,
You are too much for words! I don’t think I could do something like that even though the guy is a jerk. I can’t believe he was cheating on his wife 2 weeks after the wedding. I’m sure you scared him pretty good. Hopefully he will think twice about cheating again. I don’t condone or promote revenge but this was pretty damn funny.
Shaking my damn head,
Truthseeker411
Do you have any advice or comments for R Scott and Scandalous?
Spring Fling and Summer Lovin
I was just thinking it’s Back to School Time. The summer is about to end and football season will begin soon. This made me think about the fun times of spring and summer. The time when the ladies show off those freshly shaved legs and cute pedicures. Shorts, sundresses, rompers are the trend of the season. Not to mention, rockin the cute shades and sexy swimsuits. It’s enough to send the men into a feeding frenzy! Oh and the men are showing off those rock hard abs and beautiful arms. Their hair is always freshly cut and some love to rock those fedoras. The confidence and the swag they have is overwhelmingly sexy. Let the battle of the sexes begin! Everyone is on the prowl for a………
So ladies if your man started acting up after Valentine’s Day, blame it on the warm temperatures and blooming flowers. He probably didn’t want to be tied down in a relationship. Why bring sand to the beach? And fellas if your woman has lost a few extra pounds and asked for space, more than likely she wanted to add a few numbers to her little black book. It’s something about that spring fever and summer madness that makes everyone crazy. Well if you are still with your man or woman then hopefully you added a little sizzle to relationship because it is definitely hot out there. I do mean literally and figuratively 
Let’s talk about Spring Fling! What is a Spring Fling anyway? Well according to the urban dictionary it is a casual relationship between two persons who are attracted to one another. This can involve puppy love, sex, or perhaps just “hooking up”. It can also refer to a fling that takes place during the named season. (Btw………..Spring is when most animals mate!) With that being said, if you meet a guy or girl during a Spring Festival, Spring Break or, Spring Getaway it may not be your soul mate.It just may be someone to kick it with during the three most beautiful months of the year. If it does evolve into a wonderful romance……….then you are one of the lucky ones. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with having a Spring Fling. Sometimes this happens after a long romance that went sour or when you have been totally stressed with school, work, or both. There are quite a few ladies that aren’t comfortable with the idea of a Spring Fling for various reasons. I say go ahead girl and do your thing………………. You only live once! Besides men have done this shit for years. You may have been a Spring Fling and didn’t know it. For example, have you ever started a romance and it was going well and you guys were having fun and then within 3-6 months it’s over. I hate to break it to you but you were a Spring Fling.
Now what about Summer Lovin? It’s a sexual adventure free of hassles, commitments or drama, timed for the summer only. It’s not just limited to sex. Summer Lovin is something light and fun-filled with nothing to worry about at the end of the season. It’s usually not exclusive to one person and ends in a mutual agreement of friendship. This takes me back to Sandy and Danny in the movie Grease. Oh don’t act like you don’t remember the movie! They had a summer fling that evolved into a complicated relationship by the fall and winter, partly because of the infamous “representative” Danny put on during the summer. Now granted they did get it worked out and they fell in love and drove off into the sunset. It doesn’t happen that way all the time but you can still enjoy Summer Lovin and not be attached or exclusive. Ladies, I know that we want our flings and lovin to end this way but let’s stop kidding ourselves. Life isn’t a fairy tale and we are not Cinderella. Can we have a happy ending? Hell Yes!! But we can also live in the moment, have fun, and just maybe create our own happy ending. Think about it like this…….you are looking good and it’s summer time. You have three carefree months of not being stuck in a serious relationship but all the perks of one with just a little Spring Fling and Summer Lovin!
So go ahead girlfriend and just Enjoy Yourself like Michael Jackson says. Live your life off the wall. You’ll be happy you did and you will definitely have great memories. If the men can do it, so can we!
Have you ever had a spring fling or summer romance? How did it end? Did you enjoy it? Would you do it again?
Truthseeker411
Stay tuned for the Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle follow-up!
For the Fellas
Today I want to celebrate MEN! I know we have a world full of cheating, lying, scheming ass men but there are still a few good men left. Today is the day for the man who is taking care of his business by being faithful, loyal, trustworthy, a provider, a friend, a lover, a supporter………basically an all around good guy. Thank you for being YOU! To all the men who was once before a lowdown dirty dog and decided to turn over a new leaf, Thank you! You are or will make some woman very happy. I know sometimes you feel out numbered and that you have to pay for the sins of another man. Keep doing what you are doing! It’s your day, embrace it. Woman may talk about how men are jerks but the bottom line………We still need and want you…….not to mention we love you!
Let me tell you what women love about you:
- your drive and ambition
- your confidence
- your honesty
- your sense of humor
- your appearance
- how you defend our honor
- how you handle business
Fellas, you are very strong and sexy! God created you just for us. How could we not love that?
To all the women, tell your husband, your boyfriend, your lover, your friend that today his day and he is Awesome!!
Ladies, what are some things you love about men? Share an awesome experience you had with a man whether it’s your husband, father, brother, friend, etc.
Fellas feel free to give feedback. We want to hear from you.
Truthseeker411
Out of Your League
According to www.urbandictionary.com the phrase or shall I say idiom “out of your league” means:
1. An expression used when a girl/guy is just too hot for you and you have no chance with her/him.
2. When you are in a situation where you have no chance of succeeding.
3. When someone is out of the class of people you are expected to date.
This phrase led me back to a chapter of a book I read a few years ago by Zane called Shame on it All. In that particular chapter the character Collette, who was a temp at a law firm met one of the firm’s major clients. His name was Lloyd. He was the owner of an online dating site. Their flirting led them to dinner and a rump in the back of his limousine. After that, they saw each other again and again but it always led to the bedroom. It’s seems like thing were moving along perfectly in Collette’s mind. She really wanted Lloyd to be her man and she thought he wanted her to be his woman. Then things took a turn for the worse when she thought he was going to escort her to his calendar party for his business. He told her he had no intentions of taking her to the party. Her response was that she assumed she was going since they were dating. That’s when he shared his feelings. The conversation went something like this:
Lloyd: Collette, we are f***ing, not dating. There is a difference.
Collette: Excuse me?
Lloyd: You’re a lot of fun, but as far as a real relationship, I need someone who is more umm……..
Collette: More what?
Lloyd: I knew I shouldn’t have done this……………Whenever I get involved with slutty women,they expect me to give them the world.
Collette: Are you trying to call me a slut?
Lloyd: I’m telling you straight up. Look at how we met.
Collette: We met at my job.
Lloyd: Yes, your job. A job is not the same thing as a career and I need a woman with a career.
Collette: F*** you! I’m leaving!
Lloyd: That’s probably for the best. No hard feelings. You don’t have a regular job and very little education. I’m a rising star and I need a woman who mirrors me in every way.
Collette: So what the hell were you doing with me in the first place?
Lloyd: Like I said before……..I was f***ing you. Pure and simple.
Needless to say, Collette left his house in tears. Was she wrong to want a well established, educated guy like Lloyd? Is it not possible for two different class of people to mesh? Basically, in a very cold and heartless way Lloyd told Collette, she was not in his league. She was however; good enough to sleep with. I know Lloyd is a jerk but the truth of the matter is that there are many people who think just like Lloyd. If they are of a certain status, they only want to have serious relationships with people who are on their level.. I’m not saying it’s right but that’s the way it is. I thought this was interesting because most of the time it’s the female that makes some men feel they are way out of their league. When you think it about, men usually try to pursue women they feel is within their reach. This is because of the fear of rejection. Back to Collette and Lloyd ………….Even though this story is fictional, it is so relevent and thought-provoking because I am almost certain someone has experienced this in real life.
Should Lloyd have been upfront about their relationship? Do you think Lloyd should have been a little nicer, perhaps more respectful? Was Collette wrong for assuming they were dating? Do you think Collette was good enough for Lloyd to date? Have you ever tried to date someone out of your league? Do you think someone being “in or out” of your league is a factor in dating?
Truthseeker411
Works Cited
Zane. “Truth Hurts.” Shame on it all. New York: Pocket Books, 2005. 318-320. Print.
